;i keep up with a fake smile.Do you ever notice?



I FAKE A SMILE ALL THIS WHILE

DID YOU EVER REALISE?

It's me.So what?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting .View Friendster Acc.
*Rena Heng
*aka Tiny,Nana
*17*
*30/5/89*
*TP,Hospitality and Tourism*
*PRSS,QNPS*

Her world revolves around...
*her friends
*family
*you
*her lovelies =3
*clubs
*drinking
*shopping
*bitching
*freedom

BEWARE,SHE SNAPS
I'm not who you think i really am. Don't like reading wat's here? Buzz off. =)
DO NOT JUDGE ME,period.

HER WANTS
*New navel stud*
*plain bikini*
*Waist belt*
*A pair of flats*
*Grey/white off shoulder*
*tan*
*Vintage dress*
*New phone*


THE ONES

Abigail
Adler
Arjuna
Audrina
Alpharian
Alvin
Boon Ern
Daphne
Daryl
Dixon
de-bonbons
Eugene
Genevieve
Hailing
Hakim
Hidayu
Hisa
Idy
Jacquelin
Jeslyn
Jingxuan
Justin
Jie Hui
Karen
Kok Sheng
Letitia
Pauline
Quan Zhang
Qiao
Royston
Stephanie
Shihan
Siok Wen
Sihan
Wei Li
Wei Jie
Weslie
Xiuqing
Yi ting
Yiwen
Yu Heng
Zhiyi
Zhu Xiaoming
Ziying
CUT THE CRAP

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TUCKED AWAY

Monday, October 30, 2006

2:51 PM

One week of school's gone....I'm having the Monday blues...Loads to do, no energy to start. Like a sian can...

Had fun ytd. Finally! I got a tan. =D Hee, I like flushin red cheeks! =D More sentosa trips puh-leeese....And i wanna get the hang of playing beach volleyball.

Aching is a good sign. But my backbone don't feel good. Boo.

Pics will be up soon! =)

WEI JIAN da jie, if you read this, YOU'RE DEEPLY MISSED!!!! DINNER DATE SUMDAY YAH!!!! =D

Yay, there's "gong" to watch at night.
[run]
[it's tumbling down on me]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Sunday, October 29, 2006

3:03 AM

Back from bugis. I don't feel the least satisfied.

Fuckin numb. I just wanna lie on the sand and sleep the afternoon off tmr at Sentosa while tanning.

My heart isn't broken, for it wasn't whole to start with in the first place. But i'll be lying to say i'm not the least hurt. WTF. Those thoughts must be put away.They must. It won't be possible again,come to think of it, it won't no matter how bad i want it to...I'm jus too cowardly to express how i feel.And perhaps, i've got it all wrong in the first place? Probably i'll just laugh it off if it wasn't what i thought it was. I've lost the honour to be the first to ride on your bike. Oh wells. I do wish him well. Don't buang!!!! =) Hopefully, there'll still be trips out as friends.

I was worried when there was no reply. I do hope you're doing fine. No silly thoughts again please....I regretted not agreeing to the drinking session. I'm here if you need me, really.

It's the time when i feel so alone and in need of love. Damn. This sucks. =( Still, my heart's been broken even before it experienced the love it needs. Makes me feel so vulnerable. *slap!* The right one never comes around until you've come round the wrong ones. I guess, i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. However, I'll stick to my principles, for as long as i can stick to em. =X

PBL's back to haunt me. And now, it's more than 1. $%^#$%^#&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can feel the night beginning,
separate me from the living,
understanding me after all I've seen piecing every thought together
find the words to make me better
if I only knew how to pull myself apart

[sweat it out!]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Saturday, October 28, 2006

12:51 AM

I'm feeling just a'lil broken. I will pick up those pieces and move on. MOVE ON!!! My focus? I've so lost it. Fuck. I'm trying to gain it back.

Bestie's made her choice. I respect that. She left the single club after a 1 month membership. Hur.

Make up lecture tmr...9-11am. Bah.~~~

[life's becoming such a chore]
[someone, please make it better. =( ]
[broken]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Friday, October 27, 2006

12:25 AM

Fuck lar. Ficeeh-moi la paix!!! =( Laissez-moi tranquille!!!

I'm feeling damn irritated for god knows what reason. Let's hope it's just the pre-pmsy periods i'm going through here. AHHHHHHHHHH! *screams* *RAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRS!!!*

I got a cute French tutor. =) Mr Jerome. Hur!

This sem is no good. PBL PBL PBL.....*faints* So many subjects wit pbl!!!! OH my, did i see the subject guides wrongly?!

[don't.speak]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, October 25, 2006

10:56 PM

Had french lecture. Boujour!!!! Fun, but i couldn't remember what was thought. OMFG. Shucks. How am I gonna survive through this CDS!!!!!!

Met Xinning after school. It's nice seeing her after so long. Was pretty surprised she called me up today. =) Finally watched Rob-B-Hood. OH MY!!!! I WAN A BABY LIKE DAT!!!!!! Swoons. cute lar....mong huan baby!!!!! I shall marry a caucasian. =X

Bestie came over for dinner. =D "must link me Ooooo, intro Oooo, nice knowing you Oooh!!!!, Ooo, Oh, lo, OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH" =x wahahahahahahahahaha. LAffed our ass off. And for one more time, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE THAILAND TRIP LARH!!!! *grins*

[I felt fuckin stupid. I so wanna kill myself. STOP THINKING RENA, STOP IT.]
[i do miss those days when i weren't alone]
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Mcfly- Too close for comfort
I never meant the things I said to make you cry
Can I say I'm sorry?
It's hard to forget, and yes, I regret all these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving me,
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes;
I watch as you cry, but it's getting late

Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I too close for comfort?
You're pushing me out when I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort, driving you home?
Guess I'll never know
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me?
Now that I find that you've changed your mind, I'm lost for words,
And everything I feel for you,
I wrote down on one piece of paper, the one in your hand
You won't understand how much it hurts to let you go

All this time, you've been telling me lies,
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes,
And when I asked you, I knew I was right,
But if you turn your back on me, now,
When I need you most,
But you chose to let me down, down, down
Won't you think about what you're about to do to me and back down?
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Tuesday, October 24, 2006

1:46 AM

First day of school. 1H09 rocks my socks. =D I miss those fun-loving people.

2CDS. French. Leadership.

Meet up session with Zhiyi wit bestie! =D It's been ages. Missed ya Zhiyi!!!! =D And I missed bestie loads too. =)

Those photo-whoring moments never fail to crack us up. Boo! =D We're tough nuts to crack ok. =X

[I missed you after i saw you. WTF.Tat stare was...urgh...$&%&^$%^&]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, October 23, 2006

12:16 AM

My thoughts are all over the place. Not because I'm vexed, just because there's too much to blog about but I'm just too tired. So...yea.

First day, those thoughts just came strumming in.
---Eyecandy spotted? 0. =X
---where's the bus-stop?!
---Cynthia was at Expo, nice seeing her. =)
---School's starting...kinda dreading it because i didnt' have enough fun.
---School's starting, at least I wouldn't need to think about what to do for the day.
---24 pairs.

Second day,
---1 cutie,2 cuties, kept counting, but narrowed down to 2 only.
---They look the same. Damn it. Damn the dream. I'm missing someone, and looking like that person only makes things worse.
---Temple. 3rd week since god mum passed away. I MISS HER. THOSE MOMENTS OF TRUTH STRUCK ME AGAIN HARD. I felt like crying.
---Drinking session at Joel's house, cancelled. Another wasted trip.
---Plain disappointment.
---78 pairs. =D Fab.

Third day,
---I miss my god mum more. Those scenes kept replaying in my head. It hurts. Real bad.
---Some fucker gave my number away. TMD. $^$#&$^$^ KNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fuckin pissed.
---50 pairs +/-
---School starts the next day. Sian.
---I got nothin to do after school ends at 11am. Aw, this sucks

If i put the above thoughts in detail, god knows how long this entry will be
...There're more actually. Those random thoughts.

~I used to think i had many friends. Many whom are true. Now, I wonder where did they all disappear to.

~What's coming over me?

~I see the replica. And I'm suppose to forget about that someone. Fuck it.

~I see a big change in you. I'm fuckin disappointed. I have people to vouch for the same view.

~Fuck those twisting words and "stories" you are trying to put across.

~I see so many taxis on the streets on HIRE. And I wonder why those people have so many places to go but i don't.

~I feel so small, insignificant. I AM.

Bah...enuff. This is depressing. Bye. 2 hrs of sch tmr.
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Thursday, October 19, 2006

9:26 PM

My new love. Jesse McCartney. =D Swoons. He's all grown up! I wanna get his album!!!! =D =D

His new hit. =D *swoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoonS!*

Right where you want me
Girl, there's something 'bout me that you oughtta know
I've never felt the need to lose control
I've always held it back and played it slow
But not this time.
Baby, don't be gentle. I can handle anything.
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Girl, I'm gonna let you have your way with me
But when you move like that it's hard to breathe
I never thought that it could be like this
But I was wrong
Baby don't be gentle. I can handle anything.
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Can't explain it how you swept me off my feet
Unexpectedly
In slow motion, my imagination's running
Tryin to keep my body still
I can hardly stand the thrill.
Baby, don't be gentle. I can handle anything
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me

[There is no other answer, it's you.But it'll never be]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, October 18, 2006

10:20 PM

One more day to work. =) Workin with dearest Qing. Muahahaha. =D Get well soon darling, or we'll both be coughin and sneezing at the customers. Hur.

Woke up at a freaking 3pm.Head was spinning like God knows what happened. Was supposed to accompany Stephy to RP but fever gone up, so i didn't make it in the end...I was a couch potato from then till now. =x

I wan korkor to take me to Muhd. Sultan. I wanna see those bytches pull each others' hair and bra straps. =X He jus cracks me up. Mummy said i could go. =D *grins*


-adapted from Cassie's Long Way to go
Claim that you're so hott and you say you got skills in the bedroom
You try to flirt when you're so not
Had a chance you still never come through
You say you wanna come see me
Cuz' you know you're girlfriend wanna be me [uh]
I'ma tell you why you can't
Said you gotta long way 2 go
Say you wanna love me

Wanna love me Wanna touch me
Think twice cuz' you gotta long way 2 go
Don't know how to act
You betta' fall back
It's like that cuz you gotta long way 2 go
It's not that deep
Take it easy You wanna please me
Got a long way 2 go
I'ma bad girl
You wanna get close
Ease up cuz you gotta a long way

I love it when they try to get scandalous
Even though they know they really can't handle it [They can't handle it]
They can't handle it
Try and take me out to dinner I cancel it
If you really wanna know me first of all
You should never try to get to personal
[She's a ditsy]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;

1:07 AM

My nose feels that it's not part of me. Boo. It's gonna fall off any moment with all those nose blocks and sneezes.

Caught the World Trade Centre with friends. I couldn't breathe the whole time in the cinema through my nose. I did so through the mouth. Lol. Not a fantastic one i must say. Could be better if they've added more genuine clips of the real 911 incident.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
So much's going on. So many things to say. So many people feeling uber upset. BAh~ I can't catch it all. I'm too lazy to keep em in mind and treat it seriously. I've been through too much in common, and i know everything will go away. In time to come. =) It's my turn to "bo chap" and pretend i don't know anything. Yes, the word is PRETEND. Hehe, pretence is useful at times.

It has come to a time when i rather not believe in things people say to me? I'd rather sit and watch what they do,after what they say. For too many have jus spoken but not taken any action. I just despise people who jus talk but don't walk the talk.I despise you. Damn it. If you can't do it, shut your fucking mouth. Urgh. Stop blabbering on about stuffs when you know you can't bring yourself to do it. You'll never know who'll be the people laughin at you behind your back and mocking you for all the "smart alex" crap you gave. Perhaps, I'll be the first. *sniggers* And don't give me reasons, for they are just lame excuses you wanna give to put it all off.Rena is evil, she is damn evil. *smirk* . NOW DON'T GIVE ME SHIT and make good your words.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
currently listening to:
I'm not missing you-Stacie Orrico

It's just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be, he just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
But I'm not missing you

[Chorus:]
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I've got lots to do I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing I'm not missing you
It's a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not, ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, October 16, 2006

9:32 PM


Fever's gone down, but the cough and flu are getting worse. As usual. I'm prone to getting sick easily. BAH~* tiny is weak. Cant' help it. *shrugs* Head's feeling fuckin heavy. And I'm feeling groggy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ *swirls*

Stephy saved my day. She came over for a slackin session in the afternoon. =) We talked and fell asleep. OH puRlEase~~~ let her mum say yes.*prays* I can't wait till Dec. =) For the rest of the details, no disclosing. =)

My mum shares the exact sentiments. Haha. She hates the whining as much as i do. OH my, i love you mum. NO wonder we're mother and daughter. =p

It's not worth it to throw it all away like dat. I'd rather sit and watch and listen to what's happening. I'm so sick of being dragged into the picture like before. I'd rather be selfish and keep certain thoughts to myself. And maybe to my besties of course. =)

[Friendship. Fragile. Please hold it close. Don't lose it.]

I'd.Rather.Turn.Away.
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Sunday, October 15, 2006

11:59 PM

Tiny is sick. Damn the fever. Sore throat. Cough. *wails*

Town with Sharon and Qing. Tiny sins again. Atomic top, bangles, straps.Total damage, only $18 bucks. =D Hur. Cos the Atomic top was redeemed using my GetALife card. =p. I'm shopping for the sake of doing it because i got nothing else to do. WTF. =(

[those thoughts made me speechless]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Saturday, October 14, 2006

7:28 PM

BBQ picx up. =)

 It's been so long.
HiyAA~!!!!! Qing wants to kill me. =[
4e4 Chinese girls. Yes, we're all here.
5 + 2
Heineken. loves. The duo fight.

In.the.dark

TATA~!

[Some comments i'd rather keep to myself. Ain't pleasant]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Thursday, October 12, 2006

11:50 PM

Ps:Learn how to draw the line.

Dead beat. Out the whole day preparing stuffs for the bbq tmr. =.= Dead tired lar!!!More to come tmr.

Ah choo. Down with flu. TMD!!!!

[I'm dead beat. Hols are coming to an end. Accomplishment? 0.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, October 11, 2006

10:23 PM

I thought back on what Sharon said to me yesterday about the previous issue.She said she would be very angry if she were me. I was indeed very angry. But i wasn't angry at it for very long. See? I hate myself for being like dat. =( I'm still fuming mad i won't deny. But i can't bring myself to be at it for long. Sigh.

Packed my room today. Neat and tidy. =D So pleased with myself. Hur hur. =D I threw away tons of magazines. I only kept Cleo. Waste money. I shall stick to Cleo for now. Emptied out my drawer. Memories were what I found. Girls don't throw away stuffs from previous relationships. They tuck them in a corner of the room, and when they find it, they look at it and smile. =) Ok, maybe not all smile, but at least i did. I found the ring too big for my finger. So i tossed it back into the box. Past relationships, like the ring, don't fit into my life anymore and they never will again.

Found a photo taken with my god mum when i was a kid. Couldn't help having tears well up in my eyes. I'm sure there are more pictures. Just not in my album. I've never taken a picture with her ever these few years. And i will never have the chance again...I miss my brothers and GodPapa now.

Bk "papa" found the songs from Kim Sam Soon! So darn happy. =) Tnx . I've been listening to it ever since.

She cried.
[I'm waiting for something that'll never happen]
[Silly.me.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Tuesday, October 10, 2006

11:04 PM

*edited*
Trip to Bugis. Shopping thrills.
-Denim Skirt
-Shorts
-Diva rings
-Pouch/Purse
=D $50++
Saw one pair of pumps. Oh my~ LOves! =( But i jus bought my red ones. So..yea. =( Didn't get it in the end.

I jus realised. I turn to retail therapy when i'm very unhappy. So when you see me buying a lot of stuff, something's wrong. However, it's the same when i'm very happy too. Bah~ *sigh* I seriously need sponsors. =x

I'm sick and tired of watching people pass me by.
I'm sick of staring into space thinking what i should do.
I'm sick of listening to my heart whilst my head think so otherwise.
I'm sick of letting chances slip me by and regretting later.
I'm sick of procrastinating.
I'm sick of EVERYTHING. Everything that's happening. =(
I'm sick of my existence.

I've told Josh I won't be goin back to HealthWise. Mum's influence, but overall...My own decision. Lesser time spent with Steph, and the rest. *sigh*

It seems so difficult to even fix up another day out anymore.No more regular movie outings, pool trips. Guess, that'll be the way it will be...for god knows how long.

I want more Sentosa kakees! =(

Shaun asked if i'm ok. He thought i got cheated by someone. In a relationship. WADDA FUCK?! Cheated?! Siao. It's been ages since i've last been in a relationship. Wat a joke. =.= *rolls eyes* God knows where that news came from. WTF. Crazy ppl. -.- URGH.

[My heart reads,BLANK.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, October 09, 2006

6:47 PM

[Playing: Tian Tian Ye Ye]

It's movin too fast, i can't catch anything.

Sigh, i feel awful. I'll grow. I will. I must.

[learn to live. without you.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Sunday, October 08, 2006

8:04 PM

I'm feelin better, dear friends, thank you guys so much, won't know what to do without you people. *bows*

Stayed over at Godpa's place. It's the 7th day, when the spirit of my god mum would supposedly "come back" to visit. Had a heart to heart chat with my parents, god bro and uncle henry. It was uncle henry's birthday, and yet, we couldn't wish him happy birthday. "i will remember this day forever" he said. It nearly made me cry. I felt loved. " I have never treated you as a cousin, I've treated you as my very own sister" ='( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, those aside. Finally. Sentosa trip. Weee.....

Me. Darling.




Tat's all folks.

[Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like its been forever that you've been gone]
[ somedays I feel like shit Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit ]
[I don't wanna grow up]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Friday, October 06, 2006

9:38 PM

Rest in peace Mama(godma), I LOVE YOU.
Mdm Ng Siam Hua passed away on 1/10/2006, 12.28am.
Cause of death: Fatal accident, 2 dead, 2 injured.
(reported on newspapers, 2/10,3/10,4/10)

These few days have been difficult for me to get by. It was heartbreaking. My heart dropped. Daddy rushed Mummy and I to the hospital upon receiving a call from my uncle on 30/9/2006 night. I didn't believe my ears. I refused to accept the fact until i reached the hospital and saw my dearest Godma lying in the mortuary of Tan Tock Seng Hospital. No words can express how i felt at that instant. I could only remember breaking down in front of the dead body and crying my heart out. My god brothers were by my side and seeing them appear strong gave me a reason to be strong as well. " Mama don't want you to cry. She didn't suffer. She was unconcious after the accident happened. She felt no pain. Ger, dont cry." were the words they said to me. I hugged them tight and wailed. Recalling these moments are making me tear this instant. The funeral ended on Thursday. Mama died a wrongful death. It's too painful to be typing this out, not to mention wanting to describe how the accident took place. Ask me personally if you really want to know. The funeral was hard to pull through. We had to control our tears. And i literally bit my lips through the process. Through the several rituals, through the several times i had to explain the cause of death to relatives, through the several times i needed to call up her colleagues to inform them of the fuenral.

Breaking the news to Papa(godpa) was the hardest. He had suffered minor injuries in the accident and he didn't knew Mama had passed away until my brothers broke the news to him on the first day.

Mama was a loving mum to my brothers. She was a loving god mum to me. She'll forever stay in our hearts. Her loving smile, her soft touch, her spendid cooking. EVERYTHING. We lost our mum, but we made it through stronger as a whole family combined, as an individual. She taught us a precious lesson. CHERISH THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WHILE YOU CAN. FOR YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW.

------------------------------------------

Dear friends, thank you for the well wishes. I won't say i'm fine, but i know i will be. And I will grow stronger. =)
------------------------------------------

[it's time to be selfish]
[so much to say, so hard to express]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;