;i keep up with a fake smile.Do you ever notice?

It's me.So what?

.View Friendster Acc.
*Rena Heng
*aka Tiny,Nana
*17*
*30/5/89*
*TP,Hospitality and Tourism*
*PRSS,QNPS*

Her world revolves around...
*her friends
*family
*you
*her lovelies =3
*clubs
*drinking
*shopping
*bitching
*freedom

BEWARE,SHE SNAPS
I'm not who you think i really am. Don't like reading wat's here? Buzz off. =)
DO NOT JUDGE ME,period.

HER WANTS
*New navel stud*
*plain bikini*
*Waist belt*
*A pair of flats*
*Grey/white off shoulder*
*tan*
*Vintage dress*
*New phone*

THE ONES

Abigail
Adler
Arjuna
Audrina
Alpharian
Alvin
Boon Ern
Daphne
Daryl
Dixon
de-bonbons
Eugene
Genevieve
Hailing
Hakim
Hidayu
Hisa
Idy
Jacquelin
Jeslyn
Jingxuan
Justin
Jie Hui
Karen
Kok Sheng
Letitia
Pauline
Quan Zhang
Qiao
Royston
Stephanie
Shihan
Siok Wen
Sihan
Wei Li
Wei Jie
Weslie
Xiuqing
Yi ting
Yiwen
Yu Heng
Zhiyi
Zhu Xiaoming
Ziying

CUT THE CRAP

TUCKED AWAY

July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006

CREDITS(:

`designer_ sugar-starx
x x x x x x x
`adobe photoshop CS2

Thursday, July 28, 2005

9:45 PM

My evening was filled with screams coming from both my little cousins. Little Esther, age of 2 and Daniel, age of 5. Ah!!!!!! They've been fighting for a toy ambulance since 8pm till bout 9.30 before they went home. Gosh. These kiddos really.....aiyo....=.= *shakes head*

I miss the days when we could meet up more often. I've been quite miserably alone after school this year...No, not that i don't spend time with friends but it's just an emptyness inside me without you that....i dunno how to describe. No more frequent hugs everyday.=( I miss you. Guess life in poly really isn't as simple as i tot...Weibin has been so busy with his work that he doesn't even have time to chat on the fone anymore. Suppose the workloads really heavy with all the projects, assignments and examinations cumin up bah...Love you dear...take care of yourself in school...Always come home jiu so tired...Tired still have to rush work. I see you so busy i feel like as if i'm always sitting around and doing nothing lidat...hmm...But no leh! I do revision and finish my homework on time de leh~!!! I never slack at home during weekdays de leh~ =( But how cum i still seem so free as compared to you. =(
Met Qian and Sharyl Jie at popular yesterday~ They too seemed stressed up with poly life. Gosh. How am i going to cope man...damn!

Anyway, bought my SS guidebook le....hee. I'm not lazy afterall ok....i do worry about results. =p
And guess what. rmb bout my Math CA??Haha. Got full marks for transformation...=D 24/24!!!! Hmm, dunno is taico nortx...Been so long since i scored full marks for CAs...haha. Miss sim told me i got quite high for english 'trial exam' oral. This one score high got wot use....Must O levels score high den got use ma!!!! 11 Aug jiu English oral liaox leh.....die..aimin for A~~~(god....the goal seems so far i can't even see it. =p)~*nervous*~ Gettin back MT o level results in Aug also.....Prelims also startin le!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! =.=

Stephy told me after school someone tagged some disturbing comments in mua taggie. Rushed to the library to check before math remedials...My heart dropped. i couldn't believe my eyes and decided to call up Weibin...Told me he hasn't tagged anything on my blog for quite a period of time and claimed he'd have long told that unknown person off if he had seen it earlier.
*Aherm! Excuse my language*
Bloody shyt. Some fuckin idiot posed as Weibin and another with nickname, 'wth' and tagged in my tagboard. Knn...say tot i lesbian...say my dear look lyk girl. Fuck off man. Ya...my dear got good complexion. Jealous ah! My dear got duan zhen de features jealous ah! Say 99.9% look lyk girl. Kaopei! Say i lesbian. Fuck off ah muthaf*c%#r! Your eye ta stamp isit! Or you're blind?! Knn~!!! Wanna insult ppl come straight to my face and say lar! Nb! Wimp isit! Don't dare put name! You're not welcome here man. Wanna tag put name la!!!SCared ah! KPKB! Bitch! BAstard! Whoever you are, you're not welcomed here. Just FUCK OFF!TMD!

Ruined my day.

Still deciding if i should take up the offer of joining PRSS idol this year....3 people approached me...=.= audition's nxt week. Gotta fill up entry form by tmr... Where got enuff time...-.-

Headache....bb~~~

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

7:07 PM

Bloody~start of the day jiu tests~~Had English at the start of the day and was given a 'trial comprehension' paper to do~walao....sianx 1/2. Following that, Chem prac test. Urghh!!!!Didn't have time to complete. Lost 3 marks. Double Urgh!!!! Next, Math surprise test after recess. Was on transformation. Phew luckily i did the remediation worksheets, or else surely jia latt de~~Mr Ng finished markin le....he say i got 24/25. Hmm...Dunno whether isit bluff me de nortx....Stud. Getting paper back tmr so i shall wait...Muahaha.

I'm lyk so dead lar...tmr's ss history source based on Sustaining Development CA. Dead meat. I'm not good in this area!!!Have been spending the past few mins flippin through the techniques but i still catch no ball. Better get my social studies guide book soon. Dammit. I feel so stupid now~ =( Guess my B3 for combine humanities will go down the drain if i continue being so *blur* about everything. AAAAAaHHHHHHH!!!!

Bye. Back to muggin.

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Monday, July 25, 2005

10:02 PM

Goodness. I need a break. My eyes are almost closing while typin out this entry. School work has really been piling up on me. Got my art assignments to finish by this month. God~ Stress ah! Guess the weekends are the only time i can relax and take time off for myself. But the past few weekends have been real taxing. =.= I need a break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Had our investiture today...Ha! Stepped down le....=D. Guess it's all focus on studies now....Prelims are around the corner already...Bah.

BB~

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Sunday, July 24, 2005

10:33 PM

It's 10.30 on Sunday night and here i am typin out today's entry after chattin on the phone with dar dar~~~muackx...headache must rest hor!....URgh...my eyes are gonna close~Looks kinda swollen or sumthin. Was goin through some blog entries and came across one or two which mentioned about Weibin missin out on his movie date with his friends to buy lunch and take care of me that day when i wasn't feelin well...Feel kinda bad. Shouldn't av called him. Hmm. His friends must think that i'm unreasonable or something to ask him to come all the way to my house to help mi buy lunch bah..NO!!!I wasn't feelin well mar...=(..Urgh. Guess i gave the wrong impression.

Went to Zpop concert with Xing Yi jie, Huey Wen, Angelina and dear yesterday..wakaka. One to four girls wor!!!=p All bodyguards...Lol...It wasn't so much of a rave lar....Mebbe cos it's indoors dat's why the atmosphere not 'high' enough. Haha. Could be better i suppose~ I guess the singer which gave me the best impression was JJ and Shi Yan Bin bah~~~May consider buyin their albums le...Muahahaha.....Gonna be broke soon $.$ Xing Yi jie, Huey Wen and Angel were so crazzeee over JJ la~~~but..hehe, i was only a little teeny weeny bit less crazy as compared to them lar..Wakaka. Weibin's idol was our very own president, Mr S.R. Nathan. Lol!!! Stood throughout the whole concert till my heels pain lyk shyt. liew~~~Hmm, this concert don av many of mua fav artistes~~no Jay....=( or else the place surely bao man de!!!! Jue dui superstars were there too~All in white. Derrick was der...he's cute. =X lalalala~

Met up with dear at his house today. Guess he was real tired bah...REached home late the night before, attended his soccer training in the morning....Waah....Seh leh~~Didn't do much. Did some work at his house and slacked a little before goin home~*remember wot we talked about and promised each other today kk dear???muackx! love ya!!! ^.^*~

Long weekend...Gdnite. I'm dead beat.

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

7:19 PM

Free

I see the morning glory
It winds upon the tree
It tells the untold story of how things were meant to be
You saw the universe
Caught up in desperate dreams
You came and changed the ending
Changed it to save my fate
You led the revolution
You left your legacy
Embraced the struggle in the face of mortality
I know i'm not alone in this
Help mi believe

I can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me up from dreaming
No more decievin
Break these chains

[adapted from Corrine May's free]

Stop lookin at me like i'm some kinda fool, for i am definitely not.

Dont put

me down,never,for i know i will never surrender.
You are the devil inside me who's in power.
And I know it's the pretence that's keeping me goin.
But i don't wanna hide behind my darkest fear,my darkest shadow.
I have to learn how to control, i have to learn how to cope.
These emotions within me will NOT take me over.
They will not pull me over. No. Never.
For i know i will have someone to love and someone to hold.

Stop pretending you fucking care for i know you don't. Dont put on a front in front of me. I despise you. Don't you realise everyone is tryin to make things difficult for you? Damn you. You hold no importance. Stop all the fucking back stabbin. Grow up bytch. STay away from my blog and stop askin stupid qns. I'll let u off for once. You ruined my mood real bad.Fuck off.

Love,
Rena

Ps: excuse mua language.

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

7:19 PM

Stop lookin at me like i'm some kinda fool, for i am definitely not.

Dont put

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

7:48 PM

I feel empty inside~ it's a kind of feeling which is really disturbin. I've lost my self confidence all of a sudden. I suddenly feel i'm not good for anyone or for anything. Sighx. What's happenin to me. Every morning, i look at the mirror and i tink to myself,"This gal is so damn useless, never does anything right and never fails to make people dislike her." Urgh, dammit. What's happening to Rena. Shit. I'm gonna be losing myself, my personality, my friends, my family and my loved one if this carries on. Why am i beginning to feel so much like a failure in life? I suddenly feel that i will never be on par with anyone else.I'm losing confidence on the outside and the inside of me. WHY!!?? I tell people not to be so pessimistic but now, i guess i'm the pessimist. Somebody free me!!! "

-g.o.n.e-

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Monday, July 18, 2005

7:24 PM

Been so long since i updated. Ha. Sorry bloggie, ignored ya for quite a while now. Been busy with loads of stuff. No time to chill out with friends, what more,blog. Sorry close friends out der. I know i kept turning down offers of shoppin trips and hanging out with you galx, but i promise i'll make it up!! Loads of stuff are piled onto my table, waiting for me to complete em. Urgh. You won't even wanna know how much stuff i have to do. Life in school has been rather dull lately. Have been acting like an "anti-social" for a couple of days lately. No idea why i acted lyk dat the past few days. Just didn't feel lyk talking to anybody. Well, i'm still in that state now i suppose, wait till i turn my "normal mode" on again. Haha, take this time to miss the crazy Rena you used to know. =p I'm on "medication" so i'm not as crazy as before at the moment. Haha. Lame. kk...

Let's backtrack.

Went for my class CIP on Saturday. Urgh, it was a tough job to ask people to donate to the Special Olympics. They kept askin if it was also an organisation linked to the NKF. -.- Urgh. Had to answer tons of questions. I saw the usual hangout i like to go, Bugis in a different light today. The usual busy streets of the Bugis village seemed so empty. Okok, maybe not empty but most didn't bothered to even take a glance at what we're tryin to sell for. Everyone was avoiding us lyk as if we're some freak of some sort. So the passage in front of me seemed "empty". Lolx. It was a good experience to see what kind of Singaporeans actually existed in this planet and how stingy they were with jus 10 cents. Some would jus refuse nicely but others would jus ignore you as though you're not there. Worst scenario, shout vulgarities at you askin you to back off. Yes, it's that bad. Well, i realised that the generous ones were normally the caucasians. One even offered to go back to the hotel to get more coins. =) Most of dis ah mohs donated an average of 1 buck to 2. However, Singaporeans donated an average of about 20cents - 1 buck for my case. Well, one auntie donated 10cents and she said, "can take more stickers not ah? For my son and daughter so ppl won ask us again. Thank you hor!" Before i could possibly answer, she walked away with 4 stickers taken from my can . I felt lyk shoutin," SELF-SERVICE AH AUNTIE!KNN! WEAR PRADA SHOES NO MONEY DONATE AH!?DAUGHTER GOT MONEY GO CURL HAIR NO MONEY AH! SON GOT HANDPHONE YOU NO MONEY AH! ^%*& " phew~ but i kept dat to myself. haha. =x *I promise i'd help people doin flag day from now on if i have enough coins on me.* Lolx...~ lalalala~

Spent my weekends with weibin...Wee~it's been so long since we could spend 2 days in a row togher. Watched Fantastic 4 on sat at suntec...Accompanied him to his soccer on Sun~ Completed 2 books in a week~ Muahah~ More to come REna~!! ^.^

Bloody shit. I feel so extremely guilty again. Lost the ring for the 2nd time. Fuck. I hate myself for being so careless. Arh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although weibin claimed it's ok, i think otherwise. Sighx. REna!!!!! *!slap!*!slap!*!slap!*!slap!* Hainx. I hope i'll find it someday. Or i would need to get a replacement asap~ Sorry darling~ Hainx....sighx...STupid ring caused me to feel upset, caused me to vent my anger, caused a quarrel between us. Silly quarrel! MD~ Stupid idiotic me. Hainx!!!Sorry, shouldn't av vented my frustrations on you. I jus hope there'll be someone who can allow me to let off steam for the day. Bloody pissed with myself. I need someone to punch now. Right now, and when i look into the mirror, the person i see is the one ii want to hit most. Urgh. Fuck.*ah bish*

bye~~off to muggin~!CA week!

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Saturday, July 09, 2005

5:54 PM

I think i've managed to slap myself awake for a moment. Hope my momentum lasts long...Tnx to Miao..haha. After chatting with him, i guess it's really time for me to brace myself up...God. I never realised time passed so quickly. Urgh.

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Friday, July 08, 2005

9:34 PM

A moment of joy has turned into a moment of darkness. London's effort paid off as they managed to win the seat for holding yr 2012's Olympics. However, the joy didn't last. Terrorists attacks were perfomed in several places in London. Screams, not for joy but in the face of panic . Explosions, not by fireworks to celebrate the victory, but by explosion plants set by terrorists. People scrunched up in a ball. People choked due to smoke. I guess the scene was beyond imagination. 3 subways, a bus, and some other places were targeted. 700 injured, nearly 40 killed. Goodness. People talkin about the end of the world...How worrying. But compared to having mankind killing their own, which is more worrying?

Yawnx. A bloody long day for me. i greatly anticipated a great weekend, however, i dont think it'll be that great afterall...Got loads of work to complete. Art coursework is enuff to kill. Shyt. Still got 3 boards to go and my touching up is only lyk...half done. Urgh. Dammit. Think of it jiu pek chek. Luckily i got my Sat to do some of it. Phew~ Had lessons as usual till 12.30, continued with sci extra lessons at 2.30 by Mrs Chua Yok(ehh...with or without "e"?) Ng(isit this Ng??). Lessons was boring,and it was made worse as time seemed to pass by slowly. Had Pe after dat. Hurt my finger and head when playin captains ball. Dotx.

Urgh. Sec 4 life. I know i've been harpin on how "dead" life is in sec 4 but...it's true ma...=p.

Fallin in love with Piana by Fan yi Cheng all over again. Influenced by jue dui superstar de derrick...Sang well. So did Jun yang. The results left me speechless though. -.- .Buh bye

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

9:42 PM

Damn. In a terrible mood now. I feel unwanted. Bah. Seems silly but i think that's how it is now. Fuck. There's no place for me now.Not even in my parents' tots. Not even in my friends' silly chats. Not even in your arms. Why am i feeling this way? I've no fucking idea. I've no life at all. Everyday's just plain old school work and more school work. Wishin for a little more spice in my life. However, now everything's messed up totally and morever, things are too complicated for me at the moment.It's hard to describe. Nobody's got time for me. Parents dont give a damn. Wonder why they gave birth to me. Muthaf. cares! All they know is to go play their mahjong and go fishing (yaya, new hobbie)almost everynight.Nag all you want. Shyt. He's always tired from school and spends his time playin his games to "destress".Bah. Lesser conversations over the phone.(oh great...i realise i add to his burden with all my nonsense.yaya...Fuck.) ^rolls eyes^. Friends are busy with their own commitments. Even close friends seem so distant now.(yeayea.And to that someone,"Dont think i donno how much u dislike me lar. You think i care ah? I despise u.Go around backstabbing me as much as u lyk larx. I've never even wanted to lay an eye on you anyway.Back off!Don't bother explaining what you didn't do because i'm not bothered at all. Unlike you who thinks every little comment others make will create an enormous impact on you.And hey, you know what? Don't expect urself to be the topic of someone's convo.Cos YOU'RE NOT WORTH IT...." What in the world am i living for man?

I love u bloggie. You're always der for me. Feelin pmsy. Shuddup. -.-
PS: excuse my language

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Monday, July 04, 2005

10:00 PM

Second post of the day...I'm feeling bored, so decided to blog...Wanted to continue studyin for my Phy test on Fri but i'm just not in the suitable mood to do so...Damn. I realised i have no control over myself nowadays...urgh. Hate it.

Been goin to people's blogs for the past half hr~No particular one seemed to catch my attention though. Bloggin styles are the same....even the famous Xiaxue's blog didn't seem to interest me like how it did before. Bloggin seems less interesting now...It's become a norm i must say. It's so common that one won't ask for his/her email add but instead, their blog url site. Bloggin has actually made me indulged in lesser conversations with the ones around me lately. The space for "communication" has been replaced by bloggin. Don't you think so? I've tend to find out how are the people around me doing through their blog entries. Shouldn't be the case man!!! Even close friends like steph and I don't communicate as much as before we started bloggin! We would at most read each other's blog and from there, find out what are the updates in each other's lives. Steph will agree with me bah...rite? All the chit chatting sessions with each other has decreased in number. Yes, although blogs are supposed to let one express his/her emotions in a day, we shouldn't neglect the need for us to keep the "space for communication" available within friends.
Even weibin and i are already depending on blogs to update each other on what's happening in our lifes most of the time. Sighx.

Yes, although blogs are meant for us to pen down things we do daily, our daily emotions, we shouldn't neglect the "space for interaction" between each other...

I'm doin it now anyway, -.-
Bah...Gdnitex.

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

3:58 PM

Babies cryin,mothers complaining,fathers whining,grandmothers chatting in Hokkien, grandads discussing about their chess games. Bah~ It was that noisy on Bus 3 on my way home on Saturday. Even the loud music playin on my player cannot shut the noise out of my ears. Damn. "Because of You" was being blasted on my player and i decided to put it on 'repeat' mode. Everything seemed alright until the bus stopped by a bus stop. The place was far too familiar. I caught someone standing near the vending machine lookin at me. It was that someone i've known for a long time...That familiar smile...I'm sorry i didn't say "Hi" for the second time i met you now,the bus driver drove off!Not my fault!Lolx...but i promise i will the nxt time we see each other again. =)

Lunch date with siok siok, lucas, stephen and zhu xiaoming had to be postponed. I'm sorry. Fell sick at the wrong time...haha. Don worry, i'll be fine. ^.-

Sch's reopening tmr~ -.- BB~

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Saturday, July 02, 2005

6:36 PM

It's the weekends~! three days of private time finally arrived! Monday is youth day~~woot!

Sniff sniff~ guess i'm down with a lil flu le...Don feel well. Ah choo! Urgh.

Went to changi airport to meet up with zhiyi with weibin~ Did some work...Finally completed my poa assignments given by Ms Lye. Still got 5 English trial papers to go. Sianx 1/2. Watched "son of the mask" on dvd...The baby so cute wor!!! =D Storyline was kind of boring,however, felt that the animations was good! Bah...gtg now...

Will update if i feel lyk it at night! sniff~ TAtA!

some hearts are meant to be broken;;

Friday, July 01, 2005

9:13 PM

Today seemed to pass by quickly lyk a breeze. Had nth to do during Chinese class. TEacher was goin through oral skills. Haha! Slacked throughout lesson~Oral is over for me!!!Muahaha. Lolx.

Went out with some girlfriends to get a present from Tm...Guess who i met...gosh. Didn't know i'd meet him. It has been so long. Kok onn, it was nice to see him again. Bah~~ Been chatting with several of my pri sch friends lately...Miss them tons. Can't wait for teacher's day to come around! We've already promised ourselves a gathering! Wonder how they've been. Seen them around but didn't manage to have a chat. Miss the times when we crapped around. Haha. Memories~~~

Nth much to blog bout nowadays. Days have been fully packed. Remedials will start next week, everyday from 2.30 to bout 5~ *faints*...

Tata! Off to my 5 sets of English trial exam papers! BB!

some hearts are meant to be broken;;