Thursday, January 26, 2006
8:22 PM
I remembered not being able to get to sleep for a very long time yesterday night just thinking about stuff. My head was burning hot. I had a fever. When i finally managed to fall asleep, i found myself awake before my aunt left for work at 5am.As soon as she left the room, i burst into tears so hard i found my sides aching and eyes puffy red. The crying indeed tired me out so much i dozed off huggin onto my plushie. I'm sorry i lied, but i guess, i did mind. I managed to treat it with an open heart that you've finally found the right one for you. I was happy for you. But you can't blame me for being disappointed and upset that afterall this while,i realised i was never the one made for you, even when i thought i was. I knew i was perfectly fine during the days when you told me you've fallen for her and your feelings were strong. But after today, i guess i broke down because i've literally felt your heart taken away from me. I'm shattered and emptiness fills me all over again. It's as if some part of me has been ripped apart. It dawned on me, i held on to false hopes and thought your heart was still with me. I'm wrong afterall. Perhaps it had already left me the day you said you didn't love me no more.It may be wrong to say this now, but i'm still goin to. I guess, it's because i still love you that i'm willing to let go. I dont want to lie to myself and pretend i don't.Friends told me to forget about you. But i guess, i just can't bear to do it, because you've always been the special someone and that won't change..This post is not to make you feel guilty, because i truthfully wanted you to be well and i'd rather not hide what i'm feeling deep down inside.Don't feel that you shouldn't have even confided in me. In fact, i'm really glad you did, and i hope you'll continue to do so...For now, i'd just hope you'll be happy with her. And i know you will,for she will be able to give you the type of love i didn't manage to...For me, i guess i'll only be a friend who'll always be there for you and lend a listening ear when you need it from now on... =)
Dear gods, you've granted me the X'mas wish i wanted most. Thank you.
This upcoming journey to know that you're gone won't be easy. It seems like a relapse over the emotional times i had. But i hope i'll grow with it, and learn to move on.I have to move on. To fulfill my resolution, to look upon opened doors and not closed ones. =) I would dare say that at least i feel proud of myself for being strong and for being so mature in handling my emotions.
It was great timing for Qing to ask me out for squash. At least i feel a little better now.
It's to PRSS to visit tmr, meet Miss Ho,and off to work at Plaza Singapura's Nike tmr from 6-10pm. Winston called to tell me to report for work for tmr and Sat. Lack of personnels i guess. Just as well. Anybody wanna come find me tmr? =)
tata~*
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
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