Friday, December 02, 2005
3:40 PM
I'm so bored i could die...
Urgh. I just hate the idea of staying at home alone. Seriously, i always have.
Sighx, i keep procrastinating. I realised. I never get started to do the things i want to. Suddenly i feel as if my enthusiasm for many has died off...Well, he's right. I procrastinate too much. Haix. =(( Come to think of it, I think i've changed as a person, but i didn't change in terms of my shortcomings. You know, it's hard at times when you want to change, but don't know where to start. Yesterday,Steph and I were just talking about how one of our friends tries too hard to be who she isn't ...The reason, perhaps is because she doesn't like herself or she wants people whom likes the person she tries to impersonate, to like her as well!
Truthfully, i've been through that stage too. I too, have tried to be someone else, trying to impersonate. I didn't like myself. I guess, to the extent of hating the idea of waking up every morning and seeing the same old "me" in the mirror.I felt ugly, both on the inside and outside. I detested the sight of myself i felt i could just smash the mirror in front of me to a million pieces. Hence, i then decided to be like "someone else". Okok, that was like a few months ago lar~. But soon enough, something striked me and i decided to be who i really want to be. ME. The true me, the real me, the absolute 100% Rena. I want to be her. =)
Miao Hua once asked me during one of our previous MSN chats, "Oi Rena...how come ya suddenly become so low self confident le? You're not the one I used to know 3 years ago le..Wat happened?"
Tat absolutely struck me. I began questioning myself. Was i very confident in the past? How was i like? What kind of impression did i give people? I guess, i'm still self-conscious of myself bah...Lol, who isn't eh. However, i guess i still am someone who's trying to find the real "her" and tends to impersonate from time to time lar...I won't deny. Nevertheless, i guess i'd find my own personality and who i really am one day. Yes, one day, if i don't continue procrastinating of course. =X Haix, well, i can't continue living my life like that. Not knowing what i really want to achieve in my life, what i really want to be and how i should go about goin it, how i should live life to the fullest. ^.^
Ok, enuff of the blabbing....sigh.
I'm looking forward to meetin Yi Rong on Monday..it's been ages since i've last met her...I bet we'll have loads to catch up on. Xing Yi jie's flown off le....didn't manage to meet up with her after so long..I too, look forward to catching up with her when she's back from her performance...=)
I'm jus glad i'm blessed with these two seniors i've met...sometimes, they just make my day. They've always been there for me when i needed them. Guidance and all...i love these gurls. =D
Yea yea..here i am...typing out this entry of the day...coming to an end...i don't know what i should do now....Perhaps some reading...perhaps go look for Chun Hoong who's working at Wild Wild Wet as a lifeguard..or Miao Hua at Escape for coffee or something...Really, i'm that bored as you can see....*palms head*
Tata~*
[i've thought thru so much and i realised....you really managed to make an impact in my life. I still do miss you at times. Well, thank you.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
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