;i keep up with a fake smile.Do you ever notice?



I FAKE A SMILE ALL THIS WHILE

DID YOU EVER REALISE?

It's me.So what?
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting .View Friendster Acc.
*Rena Heng
*aka Tiny,Nana
*17*
*30/5/89*
*TP,Hospitality and Tourism*
*PRSS,QNPS*

Her world revolves around...
*her friends
*family
*you
*her lovelies =3
*clubs
*drinking
*shopping
*bitching
*freedom

BEWARE,SHE SNAPS
I'm not who you think i really am. Don't like reading wat's here? Buzz off. =)
DO NOT JUDGE ME,period.

HER WANTS
*New navel stud*
*plain bikini*
*Waist belt*
*A pair of flats*
*Grey/white off shoulder*
*tan*
*Vintage dress*
*New phone*


THE ONES

Abigail
Adler
Arjuna
Audrina
Alpharian
Alvin
Boon Ern
Daphne
Daryl
Dixon
de-bonbons
Eugene
Genevieve
Hailing
Hakim
Hidayu
Hisa
Idy
Jacquelin
Jeslyn
Jingxuan
Justin
Jie Hui
Karen
Kok Sheng
Letitia
Pauline
Quan Zhang
Qiao
Royston
Stephanie
Shihan
Siok Wen
Sihan
Wei Li
Wei Jie
Weslie
Xiuqing
Yi ting
Yiwen
Yu Heng
Zhiyi
Zhu Xiaoming
Ziying
CUT THE CRAP

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TUCKED AWAY

Thursday, December 29, 2005

1:38 PM

Read on....Long post....Pls bear with me...

I "kop-ped" this from Hisa's blog...Hur...pretty meaningful~i've bold the ones which meant something to me...Some of which i haven been able to do...

24 interludes of life
1. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile
2. There are moments in life when you really miss someone that you want to pick them up from your dreams and hug them. Hope you dream of that someone
3. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life
4. May you have...Enough happiness to make you sweet.Enough trials to make you strong.Enough sorrow to keep you human.Enough hope to make you happyAnd enough money to keep you comfortable.
5. When one door of happiness closes, another opens. But we often took so long at the closed door, that we don't see the one which has been opened for us
6. The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch, swing with, never saying a word and then walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've had
7. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives
8. Always put yourself in other's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably does hurt the person too
9. A careless word may kindle a strife;A cruel word may wreck a lifeA timely word may level stressA lovely word may heal and bless
10. The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them with our own image, otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them
11. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along the way
12. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we should know how to be grateful for that gift
13. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone
14. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives
15. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance and find out you still care for that person
16. A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go
17. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss and ends with a tear
18. Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, need to love those who still love, even though they've been hurt before
19. It hurts to love someone, and not to be loved in return but what is most painful is to love someone and never finds the courage to let the person know how you feel.
20. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches
21. Never say goodbye when you still want to try;Never give up when you still feel you can take it;Never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go
22. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours
23. There are things you love to hear but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart
24. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life to the fullest so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying . .

I woke up finding that "Unbelievable" was still playin on my mp3 player. "Always said i would know where to find love, Always thought i'd be ready and strong enough. But sometimes i just felt i could give up, But you came and you changed my whole world now. I'm somewhere i've never been before,Now i see...What love means." Now now gurls, don't swoon when you hear this song. I remembered how mesmerised i was when i spun the CD on the player. Haix.

I'm not feeling down or anything but sometimes, questions i have on my mind seem to never be able to get answered. I've got friends around me who are so troubled by love sometimes it reminds me of how i was.

Just a few short msgs to these special ppl. My friends and those ppl involved, i'm sorry if i'm crude in my words. These come from the bottom of my heart. In these moment of time, i'm thinkin of how you ppl are, because you're my friends, i treasure you guys so i can't bear seeing you down.So it doesn't matter to me how you judge me with these words of mine. I do care.

Hisa:
Let him go. You know he ain't worth it after what he's done to you. It's difficult. I know. I've been through it and i understand the pain in you. Someone used to tell me "time heals all pain". However, i beg to differ. Time just allows you to look away from it temporarily if you're hurt so bad. You will find yourself falling all over for him as time passes , and begin thinkin to yourself what wrong av you done or what has gone wrong. It's pretty ironic huh? How you can still love someone so much even you hate him for what he's done. It's oh so natural. I'm not too sure about men, but i'm sure all ladies would agree with me. Like the story in your blog. God made women special.Tat's why we tear and look back on closed doors longer than men do. Qn yourself, why hold on to someone who doesn't even wanna allow you to have a place in his heart even as a plain platonic friend at the moment? Don't even think that he'll regret treatin you this way. He wants you to get over him so bad he doesn't even put yourself in your shoes when he speaks. I admit.. I helped him in ways to make you forget him. Perhaps, i've hurt you indirectly too.However, it's you now i simply care about. I hope you'll grow out of it. I won't always be here when you nid me, but be sure you're on my mind. And i hope he'll come to realise, one day, he must grow up, to learn what love really is.Only you will understand what i mean...i hope. *wink* You have someone right in front of you who cares..He'll make you who you really are...=p

Hakim:
Hey kims dude, i know it's hard goin through all these. You know, you always make me so speechless when you tell me what has happened. Seriously,i don't understand what's on her mind. Why did she let go such a guy like you. You told me a life without love is no life at all. YOu may not have her love, but you've got love from friends like me! We love you for who you are. Just like you said to me, Let go, the damage in your heart! =D We'll work it through together. I know it. Prata nxt time ok? =p

Daryl,Eugene:
Guys, i treat you like brothers, that's why i'm sayin this.
Daryl, you must seriously think about what you're lookin for. Sounds crude, but, you're entering JC soon, know what you really want in life and what type of girl you really want. You know how long your longest relationship has been...Be more sensitive about what you say in front of ppl, be more considerate and think about how ppl will feel about what you speak. You're a nice guy and i believe all of us know this. So don' waste it and turn ppl's impression of you upside down.
Eugene,we've been friends for so long, don't do things in a haste. I really appreciate the trust you've laid within me, telling me all what you've shared. However, girls may not be what they seem to be. Like i said, take things slow, you'll definitely find your special one...One who'll appreciate your passion and enthusiasm in love. Lol. However, one word of advice, not all girls are the same, don't tink they're all as easy to please, for they're not. Take things s-l-o-w-l-y, or your chances may slip you by....Maybe you think wat i saying are all rubbish, but i believe i understand gurls more than how your god bro does. Simply put, i'm a gurl too....Trust me. =)

Ace:
Hey~=) it was nice meeting up with you again. Bygones will be bygones...U've changed so much, sometimes i really don't know who you are anymore. Sometimes, i think i can't be myself when you're like tat now...But well, i guess it's because i've changed too.I'm sorry i said the "indecent" part thing to you..I guess i was too crude..I thank you for the comfort you gave me and all.Words can't describe how much you mean to me now as a friend who'll always be there when i need it. Really. You're important in my life as such a friend and i hope i am one like that to you too....Well, we've gone through so much and i really think, not one guy would be able to understand me like how you do. Well, i really hope you'll find "the One" soon. Your expectations are not very high except the " i know i've meet one when i noe she is the one" part. Lol. Well, i hope you do. And i know you will...Lookin forward to k-boxing!!! =)

Ching Wei:
Hey...silent reader...=) I've been wanting to meet up with you for lunch but to no avail...well, thnks for all the advices you gave...you made me grow up with your words.Really....Thank you. And i will remember our family we've formed in our hearts. =)

And yes, of course, not forgetting myself..

Rena:
The new year is arriving. I know you don't seem as excited like you make it out to be, ushering in the year in 2 days time....However, take Ching Wei's advice, make your resolutions soon and know what you want in life too...Most importantly, how to be you. You've lost all your identity over all past issues it's scaring ppl who loves you for who you really are. Be quick to gain back the actual you...You're lucky to have so many friends and family around you who cares. I'm proud of you for being able to take things till this stage...but know tat people around you do change.Don't assume things will always be how you think they will be and that they will always remain the same. Loads are on your mind, take your time to get your answers...However, be happy...on the inside. I know you don't cry on the outside anymore. But pls pls pls, don't suppress your feeling so much you break down in an instant when you can't control it any further. Don't weave back to the past you when some things happen and you feel it's the end of the world. No, for the world will never stop spinning.Cry when you want to, be upset when you are. Stop your pretence. Don't talk about wanting to end it all, because, life is short and beautiful. Love as many ppl around you as possible, because they're the ones who'll decide if your life is beautiful or not indirectly. =)
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, December 28, 2005

8:09 PM

TMD..FUCKERS. IF I AIN'T SMART ENUFF AND GO CHECK UP ON THE COMPANY, I'LL BE FUCKIN CHEATED AS WELL. KNN...

The people der made the company sound sho professional and all..WTF. I was lucky i made an attempt to check the company up when my parents advised me to find out if the company was trustworthy. Now that i've read everything rangin from how customers and employees av been cheated, fuck it. Who gives a fuckin damn about makin my way there again. Well, this is one of the many forum posts i've came acrossed.

Taken from forum:
hey guys, im here too to share my experience i had in a XXXX company. well, like many of you guys said, they target young guillable teenager, which i was then.I believe this is post would be a more detailed post. Hope u guys will benefit from this. Job Level*i wont post e exact names.

Non-Management Recruits.
They mainly supply networks for the company since they are new and they cant promote any products yet and so they would be "Accompanied" to their family,relatives,friends houses to promote their products.They earn 6.4% of Personal Sales.

Privates.
The "Boss" will start to give orders for him/her to CONVINCE friends to come down for interview. Recruits who join the company under the name of XXXX Private would contribute to his group sales since they are directly under him/her. Him/her can start learning how to do the PRESENTATION, bring the recruits out for appointment and handle interview stuffs. Privates earn 6.8% of Personal Sales and 6% of Group Sales.

Management Lance-Coporals( < ). They are so called the incharge of Privates and Recruits. They are previllage to things since they are so called one of the "Old Birds" or "Lao Jiao". Their job is to bring Recruits to appointments, teach Privates Presentation, handle simple management in the office and handle interview stuffs. Lance-Coporals earn 7% Personal Sales and 7.2% of Group Sales. Coporals( << ). They are the just one rank below the "Boss". They mainly handle management in the office, bring Recruits to appointments, teach Privates Presentation, does First Interview and informant of the "Boss" also known as Secret Police(they will report EVERYTHING to the "Boss". they make very good friends with you.) They earn 7% Personal Sales and 7.6% of Group Sales. Sergeant( <<< ). He/she is the "Boss". Not the CEO of the whote company, just a JointVenture Company. He mainly does Final Interviews, encourage his downlines, handle management of course, give lectures and issue PAYCHECKS.

Sergeant/the "Boss"
earns 10% of JointVenture Company sales and his Direct downline Group Sales. In other words he's earning every appointment closed. Interviews The people they recruit mostly are in the network of their downline of course since its network marketing and there are two parts of interview. First Interview People upon reaching the JointVenture office would be given a piece of application form which looks like any job application form. upon completion of the form, they would be "Guided" by a Private or any rank above except the "Boss" showing them around the company grounds and watch a DOCUMENTARY named "Healing Power of Biomagnetism";, a Company's Profile and JointVenture Company's Profile. After all these, they will again be brought back to the office for the First Interview done by the Coporals. Final Interview The "Boss" would do an icebreaking session followed by asking those who is being interviewed with Qns like " ways to make money or get rich". Thereafter he would shatter your dreams, hopes and future with his REASONS, commonly used is "I've got three ways to become RICH. First way, STRIKE 4D and then he/she would say its hardly any chance so drop that idea. Second way, Have a RICH father and continue his business. But unfortunately most of us come from middle income families. Last way, Start your own BUSINESS, he would tell you that you'll need 100k to start a business and most of us dont have it and again drop the idea. Now he/she will Rebuild your CONFIDENCE with his GREAT IDEA. He/she will ask them if they want to JointVenture with him/her without paying a single cent and he/she will also guide them throught this business until they are ready to be their own and they only need to "Find Business" and he/she would tell them that they don't need to pay rent and buy stocks eg. And this is the part many people fell for. After the interview, the interviewees would be ACCOMPANIED by their friend(s) who INTRODUCED them. And under the orders of the "Boss" the INTRODUCER will do "FULL PROTECTION" which is telling the interviewee not to tell anyone about this job or what is it about. And henceforth they can SECURE this person would come back tomorrow. For your info, most of the interviewees are required to return tomorrow is because the RISK of them "LEAKING OUT" info of the job is LOWER. Now you guys can see they are pretty clever as such its a FULLY FLEDGE PROTECTION. Personal Experiences and Comments Personally i feel in the company many things are been kept from me. If XXXX person didnt tell me how much PERCENTAGE i should get, till the day i die, i wouldnt even know the real sum. During i was a Recruit, I DIDNT EVEN GET MY PERCENTAGE OF GROUP SALES, i didnt even know i was being cheat out of it and thou its only 6%. The "Boss" frequently boasts that he earns more than 10k a month and i did believe him/her then. Not untill i know he/she earns only 10% OF TOTAL JOINTVENTURE COMPANY SALES. When i was still in the company, the JOINTVENTURE COMPANY SALES DIDNT EVENT HIT AN AMOUNT THAT HE/SHE COULD EARN 10K MAINLY FROM TOTAL COMPANY SALES. Now i say its all BULLSH*T! He/she often boasts his/her GOLD CREDIT CARDS which may actually be SUBCARDS because there's no visual differences. Its true that he/she says himself/herself earn "BIG BUCKS" everymonth. At his/her stage, YES. Others NO. And for a closing for my post, i would like to WARN you guys out there not to be swindled by MLM Companies althought not all are SWINDLERS.

Fuck. The interview part was exactly what i went through. This company is a scam. I shall not mention the name of the fuckin company because it doesn't to be even deserved to be mentioned. I'm pissed. People, when you look for jobs, please check up the background of the company before agreeing to join it. Thank god, i did it or else i'll just be like any other person who'll be as stupid to get conned by them.

Well, i guess i'm back to square one..Without a job...=(( Lol! Nvm! I'll call up Eilin jie jie tmr again...Hmm, i doubt she was the one who contacted this fuckin company.My dad says these companies av ways to get information of people who wants to look for jobs. -.-...I was too naive to not ask Eilin before deciding to go for the interview today...Bloody fuckin waste my time...Knn~ I'm gladly waiting for tmr when tat person will call me and ask why i didn't turn up. "fuck off" is gonna be my reply...=D
Friends, pls pls pls. I noe i'm being luo suo but...well, pls do checkup the background of woteva co before goin for interview!!!!!

tata~*
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, December 26, 2005

8:14 PM

=.= i shouldn't av told the person i couldn't make it for tmr's interview. Now i'll b stuck at home wit nth to do.WTH. They're all the same.. -.-
some hearts are meant to be broken;;

2:53 PM

I'm terribly bored. Av been goin out for the past few days sho nver go out lyk weird weird de lor....=.= Sianx...

Didn't make it for their soccer this morn. Woke up late....at 11.30am..Lolx..then went back to slp again till 2pm. Sowi Hakim!!! If eu read this....ermx...yeah. I'm so sorry man...lol. Next time go prata wif ya lar!I'm craving for egg prata now anyway... =p And ron~!!!! Tmd...The nxt time i see eu i'll make sure i'll teh eu! Idiot...hUmph~*

After loggin out ytd nite i sian ka watch The Bachelorette till 3am...sianx....Lolx. Don't ask if you can kiss her. Just shoot. Lol!!! Laffed ka peng...

I wanna watch Chronicles of Narnia!!! Hopefully would be able to catch it tmr...Sian...Who wanna go?! Contact Eugene!!! =X

I'm still bloody bored..let's look at some pics...Hur~ Random!!!
Omg~ this was lyk taken sho long ago...After i cut my hair...Now my hair length has regained it's usual...WTH...Mum say i cut hair beri waste money. Sho fast grow long...=.= Act cute...i noe...We're cute...we noe! lolx...=X

Hannah!!! I jus miss the peepx in my class can?!


i'm bored~

I find myself lookin beri shu nu in this pic....And it's so not me i tell eu...=.=

hey~~babe baby~~~ EXco VII!!! ermx....Sentosa trip drag sho long...sho when is our kayaking trip huh ppl?!

I'm more MAN ok!! Jazimin! try harder! =X

Ms Ang!!!! Sho become sho hip i tell eu!!! Dye hair....Wear earrings!! Woot!!! Pwetty~~~


Mrs Cross! She's back in action and is still lookin as good as before she gave birth to her baby boy!!! Hot mama!


Ms Jiang!!! We miss her and her newly rebonded hair!!! Lolx....

Lolx...tat's all for now...Hmm...Sia lar! Sho zun! I was play bei ai de nu ren when Hisa called! Lolx...She's out with Benny...Liew~ i wan go out also lehx...=(

tata for now~*

[Rena blasts:Everytime we touch i feel estatic and everytime we kiss i reach for the sky.Can't you hear my heartbeat so. I can't let you go~ Want you in my life~...]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Sunday, December 25, 2005

9:38 PM

MERRY XMAS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slpt till now from 3pm in the afternoon after reaching home...Damn bloody slpy can?!

Went to Orchard Road to "chou re nao" last nite...Waliew eh. Sibeh dulan. Stupid bangalarr workers took the chance to molest. Fuckers. Touch and go. Tmd. And ppl were sprayin the supposingly "snow" thingy all over our bodies and faces. Walao eh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Purposely aim us de lor! We were in a group of 9 gals and 3 guys. DAryl and Eugene were in front,gals in the middle, and Ron was at the back. Fuck man. Then the ppl keep sprayin us gals. WTF. -.- It was vulgarities nite. -.-

Hmm. I'm lazy to go into details so maybe pictures may be able to tell a thousand words....

Eugene on Ballota bus...


DAryl acting cool...lol MTV pose lor....=x


And here..Mr Hakim!!! I hope u're all rite dude!!!! (at Bugis)


Ji Hui, Hisa , Qiao Hui!!!!!! WEnt to meet up wif em at Heeren....Chio bu!


SpRaY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hur hur~

US!!!

Hmm, this year's Xmas lighting wasn't as impressive....


Outside Taka....

Wet. Soaked. Fucked up. But still managed to force a smile for my camera...lolx...My peepx!

Hair all up in ponytails!!!! Wet!!!!

Proceeded to Changi Village at 2am....Prata Time!!!! Ended the day stayin over at Daryl's.....lol. Talk cock. Walked all the way from Changi V to Ballota lor! Dunno walked how long sia...1 hr +++ Lol...Shouted Merry Xmas to whoever who whizzed passed us....Lol...Sang loads of songs...Bloody high. =D

Lol...Benny and ERnest managed to join us at Daryl's.

Everyone seh diaox le lor by the time we reached. Bloody tired. Bloody cold. Raining summore! Shivered lyk hell.. Bloody Bangalarr workers were the main topic. Kp lor! Chi dou fu!!!! T.T Tmd....talked about the ways we're gonna strike back. Lol...Kin Loong say go LIttle India touch there de women..-.- Dortx....Use Baygon spray to ward em off....Lol.....*rena croons,"kan dao bangalarr wo bu pa bu pa la" =X Lol!!!!Stephy talked about hitting their "aherms" if they came close. Lol. Eugene made a statement by saying that "birds" flock together so must attack all at once or something lyk dat...lol...Laffed ka peng can?! Lolx...Great fun talkin cock. Lol.

To Mac at 9am for breakfast~ off to piao a while...Lol!!! A little hooked le!!!! I can drift nice nice de liaox!!!! Lol! Sho happi!!!! =X

Long day lar...still tired..lol...tot of goin running tmr again...We'll see how it goes...yAwnX....

Tata for nw~*
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Friday, December 23, 2005

11:44 PM

What more can i say? Jus got back from Tanah Merah Country Club. 4 shots of vodka. Drive my troubles away. More drinkin tmr at DAryl's i tink.

Met up with Daryl earlier...got Craig David's new album. I love his songs. Lyrics of songs. Meaningful. Met Eugene later...All 3 of us went to airport to slack after Daryl went for interview at Delifrance. They're startin school soon...Bah...sian 1/2...I'd be workin soon. bah...sian 1/2. -.-
Viewing mall. Loads of memories flooded back and i kicked em all away. =) How's tat? (ah. like wotever)

Recieved brochures on open house dates from Ngee Ann poly and Republic poly le. Will go check out the courses. Anyone wanna join me? Text me yeah?

Urgh. NOe something? i'm jus sho bored i don't know wot to do now. Everyone's aslp. Tmr's gonna be a long day i noe. Stayin over at Daryl's. Loads of crappin tmr nite and drinkin. To Changi V tmr for supper. Lol. Gonna go see ah guas....hur~*

My head is feeling all heavy from all the drinkin jus now with my cousins. -.-
Don't feel lyk slpin but my head and eyes are failing me. so..oh well...i'm hangin out for a while. Bye.
some hearts are meant to be broken;;

6:09 PM

I'm callin it quits.
We used to be inseparable, now the love has gone, it's time for me to cheat myself that we couldn't get along. Too many lies, too many compromises. Let's go our separate ways. All of the promises we made were never attempted to be taken seriously. I don't know how long i've been trippin over and over. I jus couldn't understand what was right or wrong from the beginning. Answers were what i seeked. But now, wanting to free my mind is what i need. Because you don't love me no more.

fuck. i feel damn bloody alone.

Sometimes i really don't seem to understand. How people can cheat me over and over again. Friends. Loved one. Family. WTF. Naive? People judge me. I don't give a fuckin damn. Now i'm cheated again. By you. Promises are meant to be broken. WTH are you talkin about. Guys. WTF do they really want. Fuck. Why do this to me? I was never ever brought into the picture until all these happened. I did a favour and now i'm in this stupid mess. Why the fuck did i do all these. I tried to help but all i ended up with is to feel guilty and all because i hurt my friend. This is shyt.

Why do these shyt come crashin down on me all at the same time. -.-

Tmr's Xmas eve. I seriously hope i'll feel better. Sibeh low. Sibeh dulan. Sibeh sian. Fuck. Sibeh fuckin upset about everything.

Urgh. Fuck off. All of you. -.-
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Thursday, December 22, 2005

8:36 PM

Read. Don't Ask. Don't probe.

[rena blasted: i need you]
I can't explain how things went yesterday. I'm totally fucked up and still feeling fuckin low. Tmd. You don't know me no more. I couldn't stand myself and broke down hard last nite.Cried myself to sleep. Fuck. How i wished i've never ever met you. I was totally wrong about everything and now, i guess i'm back to hating myself again. Shyt. Take everything back. Including ur fucking good impression u've left on me. Trust me, i won't treat you the same anymore.Isaac was right. I'm too kind. Fuck. I hate you for lying. I hate you for treating me right. I hate you for being able to treat as if everythin would be ok. Fuck. I hate you.

I jus dont understand why must these things happen again when things have been ok for so long. This is shyt man. I wanna runaway again. Runaway to somewhere or to someone who would definitely be able to assure me that things would be alright once i brave it through once again, and that he/she would walk it through with me. Fuck. How can that be possible.

Someday i'll finally understand the meaning of being able to forgive and forget. Becus at the moment rite now, i can't forgive, and no, i'll nver forget wat you did to ruin me and cause me to be in this fucking state rite now.

To special someone: I'm terribly sorry. I did you so much wrong and i know i won't be able to reciprocate everything. Jus don't care too much about me. Tat's all i'm askin. The best, just draw a distance. Pls. This is the END. Stop askin why i reject your calls. YOu got the message and you know wat i hate.

Ace: Good luck bro. I mean it.=)

How i wished someone would jus kill me. Fuck. Urgh...

Met up with Zend just now after meeting up with Eugene,Hakim, Freda and Daryl. It's been so long since i've met him. He's changed loads. Lol. Had fun talkin to him bout his aherm! "experiences"...lol. I guess i'll miss his prescence. He's a crazy guy to tok to. I miss his craziness. Zend if you do read this, do know i love you for who you are. Take good care of yourself. Ur sista here would be here for you yeah? =)

All piao kias are low...fuck. WTF is happening.

[i wanna know where do i really belong]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, December 21, 2005

6:01 PM

It was an early start for me today...feel aslp at 2am and woke up at 5am. 3 hrs of slp nia...-.-
Ran round my estate twice and proceeded to the gym for further runnin on the treadmil. Daryl and Eugene only managed to reach my house about 8+....sianx diao...still tell mui 7am will reach. -.- If i had known i'd av slpt a little longer...Seh diaox now.

Sibeh sian...pei-ed em to soccer again.Oh, met Benjamin Tan...Ron's friend. He was playin soccer too.It's been 2 yrs since we've last met one another! And he said i slimmed down a lot. Ok, sho ish tat supposed to be a compliment or is he tryin to hint that i was fat before?Oh well. Yesh. And he forgot my name! Waliew eh...=( Anyway, he changed so much i almost couldn't recognise him. He used to be so chubby last time. He's all toned up now! =) Handsome lad. Proceeded to Eugene's house and watched initial D..piang eh...it's the 4th time i've watched this show le leh...Sian 1/2. Walked home after dat.

Sibeh low diaox now. In a bloody shytty mood. I'm jus praying that nobody will irritate me further today. *sigh*

I walked a lonely road. The journey seemed so short and familiar to me in a way.I looked up the block of flat and wondered if you ever thought of me when you looked down. "Because of You" blasted on my mp3 player and i wondered if you ever thought the lyrics of the song plainly showed how i felt during those past few months when u listened to this song. I followed the same path we used to take and wondered if you'd occasionally take a walk as well when you did think of me. Or did you not?

I guess, it doesn't matter to me now. I've learnt how to cope and i guess, i'm pretty proud of myself for being able to tide everything over. It's been tough and you'd never know how much tears i paid for to get to the "me" rite now. Everythin was well when 3 idiots had to come ka jiao me. Knn~ nver see zabor before isit. Kp. Followed me till my house gate. Kns. -.- i was totally freaked out i tell eu. *boils* sigh. Well, i've closed a part of the chapter of my life since Aug and i guess today's just one of the days when i felt like re-reading every part of this chapter all over again...It'll be a mood plungin day for me.For today tat is. But well, reviewing things that has happened does do good to me...It'll prevent me from doin some foolish acts all over again tat i'll come to regret in the later part of my life again.

tata for now~*
[no longer me no more]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, December 19, 2005

11:01 PM

Gosh, it seemed ages since I've last updated..these few days have been filled with days of hoggin on the phone, poolin, etc with my bunch of fellow piao kia-ers...
o yeah...We av two more new members now...Stephie and Hisa!!! Hur...PIao kias are now made up of 5 members! Including Daryl, Eugene, and of course...me. =X
We nver fail to get "high" in each other's company. Woot.

Friday 16th...
Belated celebration for Eugene's bday!! Woot...It was off to pool at pavilion...Woah...we spent lyk over 100 bucks on pool dat day ok...-.- Another 5+ hours of pool....totally off form....seh diaox.. Hainx. Play till pek chek.

Woah...totally pei fu Hisa...come all the way from Jurong to Tampines leh....Wl...i'd rather stay home and slp if i were her....=p

Guys began to fall for the camera.....Hur.... the Non-piaoers...


Went to "piao" after dat at CS de arcarde wor!!! Eeek~ i dunno how to play lorx...=( piao-ing ish not my forte...lol. Oh well... And yesh...Benny didi and Joshua below..Initial D piracy....=p


Saturday 17th...
Mr Tan and Miss Sim's invitation...
Venue: Changi Green (i tink tat's the name of the condominium)
Lol, an early X'mas party..Went to grab some items for gift exchange...Lol, one of the items we got included a pack of comdoms...Hur hur! Hope Mr Tan will be able to keep it for good use soon! =X.
Played treasure hunt and some ice breakers games with their fellow cell group members...Friendly ppl. =) Dinner! And it was then time to go...

Proceeded to Daryl's house at Changi...watch DVD hur hur!!! Eugene, Daryl and I then walked all the way from Changi to my house..woot...around an hr's walk....seh diao by the time i reached home lor..-.-

Sunday 18th...
Out to IMM and Jurong Point for shoppin with aunt...Walao...sho many ppl lar....-.- Bought loads of stuff though...=X


Monday 19th...

Soccer....pei-ed fellow piao-ers...Hisa was there too! Benny...i want my ice-cream too!!! =(

Off to Daryl's house after dat again..Watched Windstruck...The show just don't fail to set me tearin...Haix...


Sian half....almost everyday go out lor..beri tired now...yAwnx...Sigh...

So much has happened during these few days i can't seem to keep track of the numerous issues that are being discussed around me....Been struck with ups and downs lately...urgh...i guess i'd need to get a grip before i'll start to blow up again...-.-
Somebody help mui!!!! T.T

Well, at least i'm glad there's something for me to look forward to...Tat is...CHRISTMAS!!!Sleigh bells are ringin!!!And yesh! i wan my X'mas hat...=X This will be the first time i'll be spending the season alone. As in, being single. Oh well. After so long, i guess i've managed to learn how to cope being alone. It's been a difficult past few months and i know that there'll be more for me to handle in the upcoming year...I'm stickin to the 3 wishes i made and i hope Santa will be nice enuff to grant them to me...=)

tata for now....totally knocked out mentally...piao-ers comin round tmr!!! Woot...My house this time...=)
Gdnite ppl...~
[i don't know wot u're goin thru rite now. You told me you've got loads of problems and that i won't understand. However, be sure i'll stand by because u'll always be my friend....]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Thursday, December 15, 2005

10:48 PM

Hmm..i'm conferencing wif frens while typing out this entry..takin my time....lol...my ear hurts...=( they tokin bout maple stuff...lol. I'm noob in tat. Oh wells...nvm...i got my bloggie jiu can le...^.^

Today ish Eugene's b'day!!! Woot!!! Happy b'day piao kias' CEO!!!=D
May eu find a pretty gf who will gib birth to 2 cute babies for eu! =) Be happi always!!! WEE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~=x
Today lyk beri bad...nver pei ni du guo b'day...But NVM!!! Tmr can go le!!! lol..i wan play wit casper!!!

ok....feelin lyk i'm sufferin from jet lag or somethin...tired...dunno y leh. =( I feel aslp on the couch yesterday after bathin...lol...today my neck ish hurting..>.<>

Lol..sebastian ish very sweet...thnkiew, i will try not to be low de...lol...=D
Qing ish also very sweet...but no time to meet up wit eu!!! Nvm!!! Nxt week 20th need to return books...Go NLB!!! =D

Waah..i wanna watch memoirs of Geisha lehx...=( Weibin promised to lend mui the book...i wanna read it asap!!! Zhang Ziyi~~ Woot!

K lar..i nth to say liaox..lol. Jus felt lyk bloggin. =X
tata peepx~*

[i find myself so stupid everytime i try to find out wat's goin on. So i shall stop doin it.]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Wednesday, December 14, 2005

11:08 PM

I didn't knew things would turn out so sour we don't talk to each other anymore. Shyt. I didn't want it to happen. I feel oh so stupid now. I felt stupid all day can...haix...I jus hate the fact that we're ignoring each other and pretending tat we don't even know each other. Why?! I can't say anything else but "sorry" if i'm the one who made it so impossible to be friends again. Shyt me.

Woot. Movin out today...After a day of continual conferencing on fone..til...5.45am, Daryl and Eugene were nice enuff to pei me for breakfast before droppin me off at school...Look at their tired faces...




Lol...Ok, i noe i eat very slowly.I no lyk ppl see mui eat! ..sowi lar...The three of us were lookin out for eye candies today...but to no avail...Only one chio bu spotted....=x

Proceeded back to Pasir Ris sec...been sho long since i've last went back ok....I kinda mish secondary school life already...=) i miss my peers. I miss camps. I miss the times we crapped during recesses and spent our time bitching after school....=X
Here we are...at the parade square....The five of us...Jik and Hidayu were M.I.A

Us EXcOS vII!!! We still rawk PRSS ok...=X(see...don't we look gd in our blacks...it's been sho long since i've worn the sch skirt...feels weird.lol)


Flag raising~Hmm, teachers were clad in maroon tees and the guests in blue coloured polo tees...Not very "grand" indeed. Well, then they proceeded to place our school uniform,flag and some other stuff which i couldn't really make out what they were in a time capsule...cool eh. Suppose to bury underground de hor...budden dunno y nver lehx...


vips were travelled to Ping Yi Sec in london cabs!!! Walau...Nvm...at least the exco got the Zoo bus....=x here it ish...cute huh!


Hur~ yeapx..and yesh...the as usual photo-whores~


Us!!!hur~~~and to Ping yi~~~


The school's kinda old lar..but the area ish very big...Cos ish Temesek Pri and Ping Yi combine....and guess where detention will be held nxt time.....it's....


Here?! Lol....well~ inside info from Mr Ow proves it might be true....=X

And yesh...we released balloons....us! hur hur~ up into the sky...flyin high....Woot...


Pretty sigh....=) av loads more pics to upload...lazy...mebbe tmr...=D

After dat went to pavilion to play pool wif meng and gang...yesh....pool AGAIN...lol...

Off to Aloha Changi after dat for CO bbq!!! Miss Sim leavin Co...=( Haix...She say my class de art coursework all got distinction!! Woot! CHEERS 4E4! Hmm, and she's getting married to "shua shua" nxt yr!!!! =D we're invited to the wedding wor! =D

CAught up with my juniors...GOosh...some of em changed so much i almost couldn't recognise em...I mish Co lar...haix. to think i used to grumble about having co practises last time...no, i mis h em...=( TAlked loads...shan't elaborate...lazy...=X Had to leave early to go home rest....need slp badly now ok....2 days of conferencing...don play play arh...=X nxt time break record...tmr ish off day cos Daryl got golf in Msia....lol! gdgd~ phew~ one day slp at home...shytty bom, mum's home tmr...sho...can't join Sebas and STeph for lunch. =( hainx...Mish my darling! nvm! Fri we meet up for Eugene's b'day!...I'll tell eu wot time...^.^

tat's all for today....shall continue tmr....when i'm recharged...lol. Daryl the "chio bu" is pressin mui to go slp sho i shall be guai and listen for once....for i'm really tired..=X...off to bathe!

tata for now!*
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Tuesday, December 13, 2005

8:52 PM

Haix. I dunno how to describe how am i feeling now. Bloody fucked up...bloody emptied inside out.Something happened today..i donno whether i made the correct decision. I just gotta say i'm sorry.... Everything whizzed passed so quickly i don't know what am i doin and what's on my mind. Jus stop being so low self confident. I'm sorry...

My mood has taken a further plunge..

However my dearest piao kias will ki siao together wif mui and make it better. I hope. =)

Loads on tmr...Gotta be in school for moving out tmr...seriously, i don't feel lyk goin. Sho early leh! T.T Goin for archery after dat wif ah mengx...

I didn't know that Miss Sim would be leaving the service. Why?! Sigh...It's her farewell cum CO chalet tmr...Juniors! I miss em! Loads of photo-takin tmr!!! My dear liuqin-ers and ruan-ers...See ya tmr...=)

Tat's all fer today~ no mood to continue le~tata for now~*
[hao fan ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Monday, December 12, 2005

10:35 PM

lala~* Jus came back from an afternoon of pool and from Eugene's house!!! His doggie Casper! Sho cute can?! I want to play with it longer next time....And i miss boxer...I miss dearest Qing! Lolx...sowi never pei ni today when u came to find me..haix...=( I still got loads to tell eu~ =(

Went for pool at pavilion wit Derrick, Eugene,Daryl and Hisa...=D Played for 5 + hours straight ok....Walao...hand got blister le...=(
Daryl ish pro~lolx! I'm a noob! But he will still be "nooby boo boo" to me. =X *bleh~*

Loong joined us at Eugene's house later...hiek~ I wanna buy a green and white jacket too! Hmm...But i still wan the red and white adidas de....hiek~ hint hint!
All i want for Christmas is eu~~~!!!! =X

Got loads of activites lined up in alternate days now...Wed goin for Co chalet...Fri goin out wif em again...lala! =X Gonna be broke soon. Haix! I shall be guai and stay home tmr...tmr shall call Eilin jie jie and ask her bout the job thingy liaox...drag fer too long le....Sigh...

tata for now~! off to chong liangx!*

*rena croons, "everytime we touch, i get this feeling, and everytime we kiss i swear i can fly...."*
Eugene! send mie techno songs!!!! =D
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Sunday, December 11, 2005

8:04 PM

Woot~I am guai ok...i stay home for 2 days le...Sat and Sun..guai bah? =X
Slpt at 6am this morn and woke up at 2pm...Waah...sibei tired and low diaox today....Wanted to go out wif Qing go walk and talk talk de...but...low diao larx...So oh well...stay home sian 1/2.

Crapped around with Eugene and Daryl (wong) online....
Eugene pangseh-ed me! He's a pangseh-er! He went to play cs...and i was left to do nothing...Daryl came to the rescue! Lol..Look at this! Lol..his chio toes..he claimed...=x Very cute rite! I'll try to get the mittens look a like for you kk! For your X'mas pressie! lol! Talked loads...
"Don't give up a forest because of a tree..." hur hur! Stay single! Single us rules! lol... Yesh yesh..i noe ur toes are chio...lol!









Waah...sibei sian lar...low diao larx...hainx...I wanna catch a movie!!! T.T
King kong?! Chronicles of Narnia will only be out on 22dec...shytty...and yesh...eugene...it's Narnia...not narhia~...we must teach Kin loong dat too...=X

I jus got the news..it felt as if i fell outta love all over again. -.- Haix. I shall go now...have little small cry and hope tmr will be a better day...

tata for now~*
[wo hao xiang hao xiang ba ni wang diao!]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
Saturday, December 10, 2005

3:49 PM


Woot!!!!!! PROM WAS GREAT FUN!!!Sec 4 PRSS 2005 RAWKED THE HOUSE DOWN AT YISHUN ORCHID COUNTRY CLUB BAYBEH!!!!

Tat's mie!!! Yesh, stuffy smile...i know...

*doncha wish ya gurlfren was h~o~t lyk me~ croons Rena...Wootsie~*

hur~ okok, lemme get started... I haven got enough at the dance floor last night...Woot!!!! Okok, long post this shall be....


Mickey and Michelle came down to my house to help my friends(xinning & vivian) with make up and me, my hair! Hiek~ I donned a black halter and a ermx...flare skirt. Hair ish messy messy type de neh~ Ok, i loved my hair. =X Mickey came up with it and did it in about 2 hrs..I was about to bloody fall asleep when she was messin round with my too-layered hair... Had practically half a bottle of hairspray used up ok...cos lack of pins. Lol. Did my make up on my own....in bout half an hour. Eyebrows plucked! =s I somehow tot it looked kinda weird on me but anyway, yeapx, at least it looks more...duan zhen now..nyeheh! Better get an eyebrow pencil soon and erm get it right...*arches her eyebrows*

It was already 6.45 when we rushed to Yishun in a cab...Rush rush rush! Loads of peeps were already there by the time we reached. I was greeted wif April, Stephen,Audrina and Sihan!! OMG....I SIMPLY LOVE APRIL'S HAIR!!!! ah!!!!She'll bring me to the salon to get my hair done..Tat's when i get the money of course...*faints* She looked gorgeous....=) Hmm, i was waiting for someone who made the biggest entrance but oh well, everyone was so busy catchin up with one another there wasn't any. lol.

Here we are...at the entrance....hur! Ma gurls...(i really love April's hair colour!!! Go Cafe Cartel see see!!!She's workin there! =X )

Yesh yesh! Hur!!!!~*

And my dearest Qing looked sho pweeti too!!!Muackies! She told me she'll always be my "laogong!" how sweet! ermx, don let *monkey* hear this...or....ermx...yesh. =x

Say "W-O-A-H-!"

oK..yesh...the party soon got started wif ppl from my class and 4/5 performing some tunes~And i must say, Zailani, Afiq,Ahmad, Hilmi are my heroes! Woot...*swoons* Nyeheh. =X

woot! And after food grabbing time, it was DANCING...YEAH~! *you shud be dancing yeah!!!!!*


I mean, look at the smiles on our faces baybeh! We ENJOYED OURSELVES THOROUGHLY!!! And some people really got cosy during the slow dance...hur hur! Teachers closed one eye lar..ah...but we all eyes open big big look out for new couples on the out! Hiek! Sweet Daryl (tay)asked me to dance with hydil they all ! O.O Lol! I was too busy snapping away lar ah...so....it'll be clubbin next time, we dance together lar ok?! Lol!


BIG SMILES!!!

Woot, ok, i was erm...dragged to the dancefloor and yeah...i partied the night away boogie-ing wif ppl lyk Kin Loong, Jazimin, Stace, Ming Li, Sihan, Carmen..blah blah! So high can?! =X

FUN FUN FUN FUN!!!

And yeap! It was back to more PICTURE TAKIN!


Sebastian! The FIRST TYME HE STYLE HIS HAIR! AND DRESS UP! HE LOOKED GREAT.


And of course! My 10 year friend!!!

Hey dudes!!! The dudes below...Eugene, Daryl(wong),derrick!



Yesh! it's beloved Ziqi!!!


And BANANA MAMA!!!! Muackies!


Hydil!!! the man! my man!!! Lol! I'm gonno love his goofy-ness. Rmb our nasi Brani date ah!!!! lol.

And yeah...after much much much MORE BOOGIE-ING...it was time to say goodbye...

Ok, my heels hurt lyk shyt ok...it was terrible dancing in heels... -.- But i did it anyway...=x

I still have loads of pics...lol..lazy to upload le larh...these will be all for now...lolx. ^.^

I left the place at about 11.30 with my bunch of siao-ginas...Kin Loong,Derrick,Eugene,Jia Ching,Miao,Daryl(wong) ,xinning,vivian and audrina,etc...We were so high we kept singing and dancing still as we left the place and went to wait for the bus to Tampines... Lol. Made a fool outta ourselves..but who cares anyway! Tat's yishun!!! =p

Proceeded to Tm to watch midnight movie...Actually wanted to go bugis to club...but i guai kia...lol...=X *lala~~* then Loong go play pool (siaox, wear lyk dat how to play pool! T.T Sorry larh loong....the most i go kbox wib u next time den go pool...lol...sowi lar...=( ) Sho i went with Daryl and Eugene they all watch movie lor...Chicken Little...Second time i watch le wor...Xinning pei-ed me too! I want Kirby!!! I want the soft toy!!! T.T

2.30 am...and we were still roaming around after the movie...Lol, continued siao gina-ing.We attracted O.O stares ok...i mean, such a big group then all wear till sho formal, hair do till sho nice, hanging out and watching movie at that hour.lol..Hailed a cab home and it was already 3.30 am by the time i reached home can?! Everyone was asleep le...guess if i hung out later my parents aso wont know man...-.- Was dead beat and by the time i bathed and removed make up and all, already 6am in the morning liaox...fell aslp at 7. -.- Well, tired. But it was great fun larx...

Hm, a great experience i must say.Prom.....Oh wells...Some people who really "charmed" me...Benny didi!! He looked great with his blazer and all...April! of course! Her hair! Sihan! Sho sweet lookin! Sebastian!Wat can i say besides "wow!" Daryl wong!He should style his hair more often! Then more shuai leh!!! Qing! She's always sho pretty larx! Hydil! What a man...lol....=X The guys really looked great and gals, you charm the men out there baby!...Radji(4/5) and Aisyah(4/7) were respectively prom king and queen!

Hmm, a pity some ppl didn't turn up when i thought they would...oh well...

Nxt up will be X'mas eve and New Year's day eve!! Promised Kin loong and gang go boogie-ing again!!! Nyeheh~ Can't wait...sho yeah..there you go..the longest post...Whew~

tata for now!~*

[Wo zhen de hao luan...wo zhi dao wo hai fang bu xia...wo zhen de bu zhi dao yao ze me zuo cai hao!!! Zheng yun!!! Kuai dian hui lai!!! Wo kuai yao beng kui le...zhen de hao xiang bao chi xian zai...bao chi xian zai jiu gou le...]
some hearts are meant to be broken;;