Friday, November 18, 2005
4:23 AM
*low*
Look at the time...it's 4.23am....I've studied for almost 5 hours straight...Can't get anything into my head. WTF. I ended up hu si luan xiang. I'm broken all over again. When can i get rid of this pain within me. I jus wan someone to take me away from this place forever and let the people who loves me forget that i've ever been around. I'm such a good liar at times i kinda scare the wits outta myself...I hate being the way i am now, but i can't help it. Yea, what a pretence or whatever you call it. I don't give a fucking damn about how ppl see me now. FAke. Attention seeker. Bytch.Poseur. Whatever. Tat's me if you wanna judge me in that manner. To hell with you if you think you know me well enuff. Cos you fucking don't. Seriously, i hate ppl who tells me he/she knows me too well blah blah blah...WTF. You're not me, you'll never understand.
I jus wanna shut myself out from this world and cry my heart out lyk nobody's business. I jus wanna disappear into thin air. I'm hoping for the end of the world to happen only to me. I finally understand why people commit suicides. Know something? I've spent the past hour researching on them. WTF.Yea yea...call me an attention seeker by goin," there she goes again...suicidal tots..." Blah...blah blah...Shyt you. I got no idea what's happening to me. Well, all i know is i'm gonna have an emotional breakdown. Soon enuff. YOu'll see. Rena's goin crazy. I feel oh so empty inside i don't even have the courage to face myself anymore. It's not my PmS dat's acting up or whatsoever. It's just feelings i've suppressed for so long. I need to get it out.What's making me feel worse is people who don't usually care as much are caring a lot rite now. People who should care are not givin a damn about me. I hate it. Why are things turning out this way. Why isn't everything goin right for me?! WTF's happening to my lyfe. I need someone by my side. But not a single person in my life will be able to fill up that empty space now.I thought you'd be the one. However, i've come to realise, It's too late.
I've lost ME. So what's the fuckin point.
I'm not the Rena you used to know anymore.
I'm not me, and i will never be the same again.
the poseur says bye.
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
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