Saturday, September 17, 2005
12:59 PM
i fell too hard....just too hard. I can't take it anymore. I feel weak to do anything else. I lied. I want to sleep these few days away. Oh God. Please, take me away from these moments of torment. I can't feel my heart beating. I can't breathe. I can't. I want to take a walk. Just a walk i'll never need to turn back.
[Ps: jie...i tried...but i can't.]
Don't ask if i'm alright, for you know i really am not. Don't ask if i'll be ok, for i won't be ok. Don't persuade me to smile, for my smiles are not sincere anymore and my smiles are just covering up the real me inside. Don't ask me to take a step out of my house, for in this moment in time, wherever i go will bring back memories i can't erase. Don't ask me to stop crying, for my tears are running deep and i can't control them. Don't ask me to move on, for i'm trying hard but i doubt i can. Don't ask me to focus on studies, for i want to, very hard to concentrate. Why don't you try doin the things you ask me to do if you were me? Don't assume things will be alright. Let me tell you, things will not be ok.
I did a lot of thinking. Perhaps i'm really not one who's suitable to commit. My courage is all gone. If this chapter ends, perhaps it'll be the best and the last. For to me, i can't afford to get hurt again. The broken pieces are everywhere and even time may not be enough for me to pick them all up. I'm like a vase, which once when broken, no matter how you try to piece them together, won't be the same like before anymore. It's lost all value.
[Ps: i'm not saying all these to make one feel guilty. It's how i really feel deep inside, and i'd rather not hide it.]
Ai yi jing bu hui zai wo de kong zhi zhi zhong. Ta hui yong yuan de xiao shi.
some hearts are meant to be broken;;
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