^FallEn dReAmX^

2006-12-29T12:05:00.000+08:00

Listening to: Just So You Know -Jesse McCartney
---------------------------------------------------------
It's getting hard to, be around you.
There's so much I can't say.
Do you want me to have the feelings?
And look the other way.

And I don't know, how to be fine when I'm not.
Cause I don't know, how to make the feeling stop.
Just so you know.
This feeling's taking control of me, and I can't help it.
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now.
Thought you should know,
I tried my best to let go of you, but I don't want to.
Just gotta say it all before I go.

-i love the MTV!!!!!! -
I'm off to Thailand tonight!!!!Shopping shopping SHOPPING!!!! Au Revoir! =]

[I promise i'll be fine when i'm back. Really.I will be.The shopping's gonna drive those woes away!!!!!!!!!!! =D]
[wonder why i'm waiting so long]

2006-12-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

Let pics do the talkin.

Ministry of Food, Marina.Mmmm...

There's something in our tea!

K box Suntec City, A mess. The clock strikes 12!
The Mr Pigu. Thanks for the company.Mr Pigu was nice enough that day at Vivo. Talked loads at Starbucks. See, told you Java Chip was nice. He can't stop makin fun of me. Boo ya la!!!!! All those untruths. Humph! RAWRS. *snorts* I kick ur butt ah pigu... And stop askin ppl to sa jiao, cos it's uncomfortable. BOOOO.

Days out wit my gurls was great at Marina. Cam whored the whole while. Dessert at MOF was not too bad. Not a bad place for catching up with pals. Shall go there more often. =)

Been drinking pretty much lately. Beer belly! lols. It's time to hit the gym. BAH~~~~

Met up with Qing and bf, Sharon and bf, Angelia and dearest Stephy today at downtown. Hur. Opp my house for Sakae Sushi. It feels great to meet up after so long...=)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's to camp tmr till 29th and off to Thailand straight after till 2nd Jan. Won't be in Singapore for New Year in this case. It's time to think about resolutions!!! It's the first time ever I'm spending it overseas. I tend to look back at previous years and recall how i've spent my Xmas and New Year days.It's kinda sad that this year ain't as special as compared to the rest. OH wells. *sighs* My wish for this Xmas, it won't come true, i know it. So let just keep things this way bah..Perhaps it's for the better. =)

However! I'm glad that bestie will be with me at Thailand la!!! =D

Ah, dat's all for now peepx, miss me yah!!! ciao~*

[i'm glad i'm not forgotten by A...at least there was a reply]
[Everytime i say goodbye....my heart pains a lil. It's the same this time around, But it's alright...]

the rain never fails to make me feel gloomier...boo..

2006-12-23T20:44:00.000+08:00

Hung out with XY jie, Weibin and Eugan last night. Went to safra to bowl and back to my house to chat till 4am. Lols~ =]

I'm gonna make myself enjoy tonight. DXO with my gurl, Mich and some other ppl i dunno from her workplace. Oh wells. It's been so long since i've last stepped into a club. Ah... Just what i need at this point of time. A party.

Tmr's Xmas eve. Yet, it's nothing much to look forward to. Family plans are kinda messed up. Mood's kinda fucked up. That sums it up i guess. Boo.

Ah~* I'm off. DXO here i come.

[tell me, what you thinking about? Cos i've been thinking about all the possibilities. I don't even know you.-Christina Aguilera,P.Diddy.]

2006-12-21T23:40:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: No Promises -Shayne Ward

I don't wanna run away.i don wanna be alone.no promises.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I find myself falling into the same trap over and over again. Heck. That's life ain't it? She's miss piggy, so she's dumb enough to step into it knowing it's a ditch. Damn. I can never get enough of my dumb-ness can i? Someone, just kill me. I will feel better. I always do. I know it. It always happens.Over and over again. It's time i got used to it. Sigh. For once, i hope, i won't need to go through this again.

It was to school for Econs. Didn't meet Aaron in the end.

Pics up.

My pig family

Xiao Ding dang! Heavy heavy!

=]Classic pic. Lol!

Daryl promised to make me drunk.Michelle suggested going drinking with her friends. I feel like drinking. Really. Anybody? Bestie's gone at the wrong time...

[everytime i tink you take a step closer, in actual fact, you just drifted the same distance away]

2006-12-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

This is a random post.
Here goes.

-I'm feeling blue.
-I hope the rain doesn't stop. I like cuddling under covers. It'd be better if i have someone with me though. =(
-I hope the rain stops(contradicting i know.told you it's random),so i can get outta the house. Quarrelled with mum the whole day. Shit this thing.
-I'm meeting Aaron tmr. Hmm. It's been so long.
-Stephy's off to camp tmr. Ah~*I hope i can wake up in time to meet her for breakfast at 10am
-I got Econs meeting tmr. I nearly forgot.
-A few ppl can't seem to access my blog. Oh well.
-Yes steph, i read ur blog. I got your hint *wink*
-I've finished preparing Xmas pressies. Nth fantastic. But it took me kinda long to do it up.
-I can't wait for Thailand trip. =)
-Wei Li was right. I should jus let things come naturally.
-Stop thinking Rena. You dumbo. It's not gonna work out. Karen may be right.
-I think, i'm gonna listen to Wei Li.
-Xmas is coming! But there's nth much to look forward to.
-Mei you an quan gan.

- WE'LL TAKE THINGS AS THEY COME, period.

Ah...those thoughts. As usual.

2006-12-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to: Here with me-Michelle Branch
I know you had to go away

I died just a little

And I feel that now you're the one I need
I believe that I

Would cry just a little

Just to have you back now, here with me

Here with me

(the lyrics do not link to what i am feeling. So stop telling me i'm thinking too much ok~ =x)

-------------------------------------------------------

Ah kor you good. Pangseh me!!!! Boo ya.

Hmph!

Met up with Steph at PS after going to the temple to pray godmum. I jus felt like people watching today...It was to Starbucks. And yes, the photowhoring...=X

Hung out wit Wj,Roy and their friends at Taka. Super awkward at first lar!!!! But oh wells. All was fine. Hope u'll like the pressie kuku. =)

[AH!!!!!!!!!!! =( It's strumming in again. Must be the weather.Blame it on the weather...yeah yea~~~ =.= sigh]
[i'd die just a lil, and cry just a lil]

2006-12-13T18:50:00.000+08:00

currently listening to : I wanna be with you-徐婕儿 & Xu Hui Xin's Wei ni si mi lu(lost in Venice)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why do i always need to force myself to break into a smile when i see you? I hate it when it happens. Don't say i'm thinknig too much now. For I'm not.It's time to think about it once and for all and stop this nonsense. I want to face you and not feel this way anymore. NEVER. =[ And stop questioning why.

One last paper left on friday. Fundamentals of Food and Beverage. In short, FB.FUN. How fun can it really get when all you do is memorize facts. Tons of facts. Hehe. Fun.....*rolls eyes* Sigh. Jia you Rena.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Random:
-I'm not one who will make first moves.For once i hoped i was more initiative.
-I've been staring at the phone for the whole day, scrolling down my contact list, wondering who should i call.
-I'm feeling ditsy. No. It's not the pms. =.=
-I'm repeating two songs over and over again. One of which i hope i can sing out loud. LOUD. t spells exactly how i'm feeling.
-I kinda regret not going to Stephy's house.
-I love Venice.
-The things i always hope for to happen, doesn't. Why?!
-It's something so simple to say, but i can't bring myself to say it.
-I'm beginning to doubt. And when i have doubts, it just ends here. Sigh.
-I'm jaded.
-This is shit, because I'm feeling this way due to something stupid. And I know it's stupid.

Rite, enuff i guess. My mind's in a whirl. Meeting Daryl later. Go pay for his stuff at Loyang Point. Sigh. Good time to take mind off stuff. He asked at the right time.

I WanNa be HAPPY. It's dat simple. =(

2006-12-12T01:58:00.000+08:00

Hehe. Super paiseh. Stephy came over in the morn and i was still fast asleep. I only remembered opening my eyes and thinkin "OH. Steph's here, " and then closing my eyes again until she stepped into the room screaming , "Qi lai le Rena!!! "(Rena wake up!!!, in chinese). Hurhur. I'm not called Miss Piggy for nothing. Sleep is everything. Lols. But when it comes to falling asleep. You won't find me in bed until 2am. =]

It was to the National Library to study. I didn't know there was this study corner on the 5th floor. Not too bad. At least i completed 4 out of 5 topics notes for Principles of Management. We spent a good 5-6 hrs studying ok!!!! Dat's an accomplishment. Hehe.

Went on to Bugis for a walk. Christmas decorations are up!!! =]
The cheery season is coming soon!!!! =]

Managed to talk for quite a bit at Mac. I asked Steph this question. I shall post it here to keep you thinking about it too. Here goes:
Do you treasure something that was given to you more? Or would you treasure something you gave away more?
A simple question. However,it speaks all about your personality with your answer. It isn't as simple as saying it's either. It kept me thinking for a while.

My bestie makes the best out of me and i hope i do the same for her. =] You're loved Stephy! I will definitely need your 20%. And I shall give you my 20% as well.

[who's gonna break this shield of mine?]
[please don't lift it up high and let it go. It'll break.]

2006-12-09T19:24:00.000+08:00

EDITED.*
Currently listening to:只说给你听

People tend to take for granted what they have and come to realise how much they've not treasured the past, and regret. I am no exception. See, i hate stayin home for the whole day. It makes me things of unhappy stuff and makes me feel down down down!

I MISS U MAMA(godmum). =( I haven dreamt of you ever since you passed away. Flashes of your face have been appearing on my mind so often lately it makes me wanna cry thinking about the day i arrived at the hospital and saw you lying cold, motionless. It hurts to even think about it. People tell me to come to terms with your death and forget those unhappy happenings. I have come to terms with it. But I will never forget what happened. Never. It's gonna be a 100 days tmr since the day you passed away.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I feel so much like a couch potato today. I sat in front of the tv from 2 till 7+ today. Tat's like 5 long hours.....RAWRS. I'm so bored. I have studying to do, but i have totally no mood to get started. Bah~ *Smack*

Nth's worth holding on to. Let it go. You'll feel better, i assure you. =)

[wash away my sanity]

2006-12-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

Finally. Marketing is over and done with!!!!!!!!Woot. =)

Stephy came over to study. Exams are nxt Wed and Fri. But i'm in no mood at all to start mugging.Gambate!!!!

Met up with Roy for supper at Changi V. =] It was to the carwash after dat, and home! Ah. Life's been pretty boring lately. Nth much to update on.

So, for now, Abientot!!!!!

[i tink.......]

2006-12-05T23:31:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since my last update. Oh wells. Been busy with school work. It's totally weighing me down man! But I'd rather be weighed down than have nth to do. =)
First and foremost, photos from CommSk 2 interview today!!! I wore formal the whole day ok...first time lehs! d=

Fiona.We are the "nana-s" ok, i know i got goldfish eyes. Boo. *stares*

Baobei!!! =D You're loved lar gurl. =)

Other pics are with JessyBessy! I love 1H09 lar. You people rawk. =D I can't imagine being without you guys next year.

There are so many things i wanna talk about! Oh yes, I'm the class's SODIUM Queen. Sodium queen can!!! I got the highest intake of sodium based on one of my FB report for one of the day's food intake. So that's where my aggressiveness comes from eh!!! Hur hur. =p I shall not tell you my percentage of sodum intake. I think you'll fall off your chair lar....=X

*wails. Like the dot on Xiu Mai!!!! *wails!

There're so many things to complete!

1)Marketing individual case study
2)Marketing PBL
3) Subject tutorials

4)CommSk individual report

5)Econs outline
6)French cabaret show research

7)POM PBL

8)Econs newsarticles & USA economy research

etc...

etc....

and guess what, EXAMS ARE LIKE NXT WED AND FRI!!!

Boo, jiayou Miss Piggy.

WE're missing FLOW at MOS. *shrugs* oh well.

Au revoir!

2006-12-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

I enjoyed the girl's night out yesterday. However, i didn't think Jam and Hop was much fun....boo.

[i know what i want, and what to do]
[i tink i.m.u]

2006-12-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

currently listenin to : THE VERONICAS, speechless.

I'm in this very dazed mood. For the whole week. =.= So just lemme whine here aite?
I'm irritated. Seriously, very irritated. Cos one of my ear feels blocked. Boooo! =(

Tmr's Jam and Hop. =) Lol, Khai's going as well~Haha. Hope I'll meet him there tmr! He made me laugh.
*♫Ņåñå♫* >.< kukuhead!
ya gimme a msg tmr lar!

ks;
haha my phone screwed up eh ):

ks;
you go as my date ah !

*♫Ņåñå♫* >.< kukuhead!
lols!

*♫Ņåñå♫* >.< kukuhead!
waah..."date"!

ks;
haha why not .im single. youre single too right ! : D

*♫Ņåñå♫* >.< kukuhead!
haha,yea....=)

ks;
haha awesome then what.

Right.JAM AND HOP at the erms...sports...complex.. HMM. And he made me realise one thing, I AM SINGLE. Yet another reminder eh.."Rena, go get yourself a boyfriend lar hor? Later older nobody want." =( Fine lor.Ok lor.....*wails* People keep telling me what i can do when i'm still single and what fun they'll miss out when they're not. Then for goodness sake don't get attached lar! Why complain then?~ Pui.
Okok,wo ye shi chi bu dao pu tao, shuo pu tao suan la. ok? boo.
--------------------------------------------------------
Just go
I gave you my word and I promised to love you
go, it's overyou had your chance
Just Go
there's nothing inside of me that still feels connected to you
to me
you're already gone
[You're the drug, i wanna kick the habit for good]

2006-11-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

WHEN I SAY I AM BUSY. I REALLY AM BUSY. JUS BUZZ OFF WILL YA'LL! #$%^#%%*...Grr. RaWrs. Some people just do not get it. It's not that i do not want to talk to you. It's just that your conversations keep popping up on messenger it's driving me nuts when i wanna get something done. URGH. THIS IS NUTS. TOTALLY DRIVING ME NUTS.

I'm so overwhelmed with the amount of things i need to do i can't breathe.

You're a damn jerk. Fuck off u bastard and stop harassing my friend or i'll shove your own shoes up ur mouth. NOW SHUT UP. YOU DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMMENT ON PEOPLE COS U'RE A BASTARD YOURSELF. I do not normally use this, but to me, "you're a ball-less sissy who thinks he's oh so handsome and popular". To hell with that.
Don't you ever get on my nerves now. Just hearing your name will make me boil hot with anger. *aherm*

Back to work now. Excusez-moi. Au revoir.
[Miss piggy is upset. you won't like her like that.]

2006-11-26T02:03:00.000+08:00

Boo. All pangseh me. Only i went for the briefing today. Luckily there was Fiona. =) U want me go jam and hop mar? Must sincere a bit ok! d= NI YAO LENG JING, OR WO HUI ANGRY DE. =X haha. Irritated her like siao today. =p

December's camp for GL and I-guides! OH my. My schedule's super packed for Dec. Help~~~~~!

Joshua gave me a ring in the afternoon and wanted me to accompany him get clothes for his cousin's wedding. It was to town yet again...People watched outside Mariott Hotel. Darn farni lar... Ok lar, jojo, u have "mei li" lar hor....can attract xiao mei mei. ONLY xiao mei mei =x *rofl* We were comparing the number of people turning heads. LOLS! Dumb. See lar, bored till like dat. *shakes head*
Met Hakim!! It's been ages since i've last seen him lar, we shall gather sometime nxt week eh! =)

Met up with Roy and friends at PS after that. =) So late then eat dinner!!! Tsk Tsk~! Went for a game of pool somewhere near ParkMall. I feel so 'sua ku' can..didn't even know there was a place near PS where we can play pool. Kuku me. I'm really kuku-fied eh!!!! *blushes*
Was driven home. =) Thanks eh kukuhead! =D I do enjoy the rides home lar!
I can't wait to turn 18!!! You must be my "street directory" if i get lost ok!!!! =D

There's so much to do tomorrow. CommSk's test on Monday. French test is on Thur. Leadership proposal is due Friday. *faints* I'm dreading the upcomin week. Urgh.

The days pass by so quickly...wat did i do with the time i had?

[ =) ]

2006-11-25T00:39:00.000+08:00

Thank goodness it's friday! *big grins* Today was a long day. Towards the end of lessons, i couldn't stop laughin. Lol. Jie Hui said, " ni yao leng jing" like dunno how many zillion times to me today.

Met up with bestie today.Hope you're feeling better Stephy!NO more MOODY MOODY DUMB DUMBS! Haven gone out proper since school started. =) We made it to town again. Bought a new top .I loike!!!!!!!!!!! =x Haha. Steph wants to kill me. I'll let u rummage through my closet! Lols. And after Thailand trip, we can rummage through each other's closet! lols. Can't wait man!
29 Dec to 2Jan! I'm counting down!

It seems that everyone I know is interlinked to one another. It's scary. It shall just stop there. You're just another "one of the few".

[i miss those secondary school days]
[please don't be like the rest =(]

TINY IS DAMN TIRED. SHE WANTS TO CRASH IN BED BUT THERE'RE SO MUCH TO BE COMPLETED.*whines*

2006-11-22T00:34:00.000+08:00

It'll be a busy week with project research and tests. And yes, I have yet to watch Green Mile. I don wanna watch alone leh, it'll be like so boring. 3 hr show for goodness sake!Anyone nice pei mi watch lehs..... =) The proposal's due nxt week. *wails*

FB was fun today. Talked about pasta! Wahahahah! Yummy yum. Didn't know there are dried and fresh pasta. I did learn some new stuff today!!! The discussion made us all hungry. Can't blame. It was already 5pm when tutorial ended. Lol.

Came across so many weird ppl today =.=
1) A girl kept staring at me on the bus today.As if i owe her money or something... =.=
2) Talked to a lesbo online. She happened to get my email through her modelling agency. WTH?
3) "What's your full name?" Someone replied, "My name's 'dear'. You call me 'dear' can le." WTF LIKE SUPER BU YAO LIAN!!!!!

Ok, my temporary name is called, "Rudolf". Lol.
Don't use the whiny sorta voice to call me "Nana". I like it low and deep. LOL. SOMEONE SLAP ME. *rolls on floor laffin*

[wo men xiao shi hou]
[i need a getaway]

2006-11-20T21:31:00.000+08:00

*edited*
Confessions? Not quite me, that's all i can say. And i admire your courage. =)

I'm so bogged down with god knows wat stuff is on my mind. It sucks when you can't express how you're feelin inside properly. It's been terrible feeling this way the past few days.

I never do get around things do i? sigh. Watever rena, WATEVER.

I'm irritated. I do not like strangers getting hold of my handphone no. To hell with those perverts. Boo ya'll!

I miss my bestie. =) Stephy!!! Our timetable's so f-ed up! Ya know wad i mean lar~ =(

I ate two tubes of Droste Chocolate Pastilles today. That shows how bad things are. I'm gonna grow like super fat...=.=

[you put the blue back into the sky]

2006-11-19T12:32:00.000+08:00

Blogger ate up my draft i saved up last night. To think i fell asleep on the com table just to ait for it to finish saving!!!!!*RAWRS!!!!*

Now i have to recall what i typed last night. Hmm.
Here goes. Long post.
-------------------------------------------------------------

currently listening to: Colour Everywhere-Christian Bautista (loves)

It can't find my usual self. The talkative me. The bubbly me. The seldom upset me. The old me.

It's gone. My twin within has left and i have difficulties finding her back. Sigh, now this change is no good. =(

I hate it when i can't help feeling gloomy these days.

Now, all those aside. Went with Roy and Weijie to the motorshow at Suntec City ytd. Honestly, i didn't understand what they were talkin about half the time about cars. Heh. However, i do like looking at nice cars. =D And i'm surprised at the ranges of cars Lexus has. Some, i've never seen before. My main purpose of goin there was to visit uncle Henry at Suzuki for a second time...Was too late when we reached there though. He knocked off and returned to the showroom le. Booooo~~

Went for dinner at Hans and slacked near the Esplanade. The dudes were scaring me with ghosts stuff lar! But it didn't totally get into me because some other stuff were on my mind. And let's not talk about that. Sigh. I did enjoy the day out though. =)

Roy: Tnx for sending me hope the night before even when you were tired after the movie!!! =) Yalar, your car's nice. Lols. *winks*

Below are some pics from the motorshow!

2006-11-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

Everything's changin.
It's changin so fast i can't recognise what's present anymore.
Things will never be the same again.
I want to look on the brighter side,
maybe those changes are for the better. =)
People do grow don't they?
*ponders*

Met up with Stephy to go for the GLs interview today. =D Hur. We were given a task during the interview.They made us find 2 ppl and talk to them in order to know them a lil bit and then remember the bits to report to the interviewer. Haha. Darn fun lehs the interview. I've never been to other interviews as fun as this one. =) At least we didn't need to do the cheer. Like 2 people do one cheer. =.= Crazy.

Loads of ppl are askin me to send em "step up" =) See! The song is darn nice can!!!!!

TMR IS MICHELLE TAN BEE KWOON'S BIRTHDAY!!! BAOBEI! UR BDAY TMR LEIS!!!! =x

[Did the Rena she was before die?]
[you left me standing here wondering]

2006-11-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

Don' say i'm crazy. I watched "Step up" for the second time today with mua darlings. LIke a OVALTEENIES!!! WAHAHAHAAH =X Dropped the kbox idea and went for a walk an movie at TM instead. We waited for 291 at a bus stop which didn't have that bus no. =.= Dumb can! We were busy photo whoring until i spotted that there isn't 291 at the stop. WTH~~~

MICH IS TURNING 17 soon!!!! =D

I can't stand the sacarsm. Fucking bitch. URgh. And she has no dress sense. Old witch. It's like ,not funny ok? Now scram. I want a change of tutor. =(

I've been procrastinating loads. It's time to stop. I still have my resume and cover letter to complete!!! OMGOMG...If the resume is not done up properly, we may risk "not being called up for the job interview" and have to do up observer's report. I dont' want!! Tat's like, more work can~ =( *whines*

[give it up to me]

2006-11-14T14:18:00.000+08:00

currently listening to: Step up
(Step Step Step Up) This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up) This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up) This is somethin for the radio
(Step Step Step Up)

[Chorus] Boy, no matter what we go through
You step up I'll step up too
It don't matter what the haters say
As long as you are my boo
And no matter how hard it gets
This love will have no regrets
As long as when we steppin on the dancefloor
It's me and you

Feel the rhythm of the beat, that's my heart
Cupid shot me with the arrow from the start
And you know that it's your love that's got me trapped
Everytime I try to leave you bring me back
So much water at times I cried a river
You dried my eyes and brought me back to laughter
And when I lay next to you I wanna wake up
And when I break up it's only to make up

And when I step any place,
I feel my feet Lifting from underneath
You grab my hands, spin me round
And right before I fall
You catch me and you say Baby, it'll be okay
Just look into my eyes
And we will make another day

And If we don't step up we'll loose our groove
So confused don't know which way to move
Pull my hand and let me know that you feel me too
Look into my eyes and tell me baby I love you
You'll never get wet cuz I'll be your umbrella
And we can make it through any kind of weather

If you step up I'll step up boy Cuz I'm tryin to be with you forever

2006-11-13T23:07:00.000+08:00

HOT.

HOT.

HAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =x

Caught Step Up. Catch it if you're into mm zi! And if you're into dance. =D I loved it lar! Heh. I got the songs from the soundtrack le. So no need to buy ler! Hur! Channing Tatum is haWT.WOOT.....

[did it ever got off my chest?]

[Don't smile like dat]

2006-11-13T00:33:00.000+08:00

Currently listening to : Mi Xue Wei Qi, Du Li

Back from GodPa's place...

Was watching the National Geographic channel in the late afternoon, and there was this show on monkeys. The documentary was dedicated to a little orphan monkey(darn cute!) which was featured on the show. Damn sad lar!!! It had to pick up wheat grains within mud to eat when the rest of the bigger sized monkeys fought for potatoes to eat. It died in the end. I dunno the reason lar....But damn sad ok! I nearly teared watchin it. *wails*

I just can't get enough of weekends leh~ =(
The Monday blues is strumming in already~Sigh.

Royston say he's reading my blog before he sleep to see what good things i write about him. Ok, so here goes. Royston invited me to go for the car roadshow. So he's nice. =X lalalalalala~* Help mi lar! I'm so darn bored! See! I'm always telling you i'm bored. It shows the extent of how bored i am. Neh ni neh ni poo poo! BOO YA! =X

[sometimes i wonder......]

2006-11-12T01:55:00.000+08:00

Tiny is damn tired.Her eyes are droopy~

Town-ing was kinda boring. It's been very long since the four of us hung out though.(joshua,henry, steph,me). STephy and I managed to entertain ourselves by tricking people on the streets into believing that there is a rainbown in the sky at night. Haha. Damn farni lar....

I somehow think this pic (above) looks like the one on the right is the reflection of the glass panel. But in fact, it's Stephy. We look kinda alike in some ways huh!

And bestie cut her hair short. NICE. =) We switched roles. My hair is now ash brown, while hers is black.

TAda!!!! I somehow tinks she looks nicer with short hair. =)-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here are some photos from Ali's Birthday!!!
The birthday gurl!!!!
FJJLB ROX! (missing: Yang, Phy)

I can't resist the smell of Hugo Boss Energize!!! Damn nice lehs~~~~Guys who put on this cologne never fails to make my head turn. =) And Mr Joshua got it. =.= Hmm...ok, i shall take back the "make my head turn" statement then. =X

[Things won't be the same, ever again]

2006-11-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have went to bed at 6am this morning. Because i woke up with a bad headache at 12noon only to find that i'm home alone. Urgh. And the flu's coming in! >.<

[pls pls pls don't rain!!!!NOT TODAY!!!!]

Currently listening to: Hurt-Christina Aguilera, Back to Basics
Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
someetimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

2006-11-11T03:49:00.000+08:00

currently listening to: Mouth Shut-loves.

I woke up thinking that it'll be a sunny day today. But it didn't seem so anyway.

It's like 3.50am and i'm here bloggin. Can't seem to get to sleep cos i dozed off while watching "Goong" till 7.45pm. Managed to wake up at 10.35pm. Coffee made things worse. Now, all the more i can't seem to fall asleep. Boo. Maybe i won't sleep anyway.

3 weeks of school have passed. Without knowing it, exams would be around the corner again. Bah~ I'm beginning to like marketing. =)

Meeting bestie tmr! Hmm, however,Sentosa trip's cancelled.

I'm beginning to get more "oolu" ppl adding me on msn. =.=

[it's nice to know you're missed because i'm just like any other girl on the streets. Thank You]
[i'll keep believing, but please don't take too long]

2006-11-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

Fuckin bland life.Why don't things get more interesting?

It feels worse when you need to face it alone. All of it.

LALA~*ali's bday pics would be up as soon as i recieve em!

2006-11-05T00:42:00.000+08:00

Girl's day out at town. =D

Da tou~

Like Literally~

Fuckin sian. We left town by 7pm.

I went on down to meet qing qing and her boy at downtown for dinner. She cut hair. Huahahah! =D Cute cute~ Both of em tian mi mi wors!!! Hao xian mu!!!! Hur. Left for home after eating for fear of overdose of sugar content watching em. =X

When i reached home, i realised that my compact powder and blusher broke. TMD!!! wAAhSEH..uber sian. boo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF.It dropped on the floor =.= *WAilS*

[everything is f-ed up]

[I WANNA GO TO THE ZOO!!!! BOOHOO]

2006-11-04T01:40:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired i know I'll fall asleep once i lie on the bed. YAWNS!.

Had fun, was out with Steph and Xinning at Far EAst Plaza. Like a 3 siao zabors. WAHAHAHAHA.

The hot pink vibrator was interesting looking.Lols. So many colours lar! GReen!!!Pink!!! ORangE!!! Many many!t was hilarious i tell you.Stephy and I bought a music box thingy! So cool! Mine plays the tune of Moonriver while hers, The Entertainer. Muahahah! We'e so gonna irritate ppl with it. =D

Renaissance fellow group members.
Rena

When it all falls apart-The Veronicas
I'm having the day from hell
It was all going so well
Before you came
And you told me you needed space
With a kiss on the side my face
Not again
And not to mention
The tears I shed
I shoulda kicked your Ass instead
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream

Cause baby
Everything is f'ed up straight from the heart
Tell me, what do you do when it all falls apart
Gotta pick myself up, where do I start
Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart

No, ohh Don't know where I parked my car
Don't know who my real friends are
Anymore I put my faith in you
What a stupid thing to do
When it rains it pours
And not to mention I drank too much
I'm feelin' hungover
Out of touch
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream
Cause baby

Can't it be easier?
Can't I just change my life?
Cause it just seems to go bad every time
Will I be mending
Another one ending once again

2006-11-03T00:13:00.000+08:00

No more black hair. =)

School's been hectic.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[someone help]

2006-10-30T14:51:00.000+08:00

One week of school's gone....I'm having the Monday blues...Loads to do, no energy to start. Like a sian can...

Had fun ytd. Finally! I got a tan. =D Hee, I like flushin red cheeks! =D More sentosa trips puh-leeese....And i wanna get the hang of playing beach volleyball.

Aching is a good sign. But my backbone don't feel good. Boo.

Pics will be up soon! =)

WEI JIAN da jie, if you read this, YOU'RE DEEPLY MISSED!!!! DINNER DATE SUMDAY YAH!!!! =D

Yay, there's "gong" to watch at night.
[run]
[it's tumbling down on me]

2006-10-29T03:03:00.000+08:00

Back from bugis. I don't feel the least satisfied.

Fuckin numb. I just wanna lie on the sand and sleep the afternoon off tmr at Sentosa while tanning.

My heart isn't broken, for it wasn't whole to start with in the first place. But i'll be lying to say i'm not the least hurt. WTF. Those thoughts must be put away.They must. It won't be possible again,come to think of it, it won't no matter how bad i want it to...I'm jus too cowardly to express how i feel.And perhaps, i've got it all wrong in the first place? Probably i'll just laugh it off if it wasn't what i thought it was. I've lost the honour to be the first to ride on your bike. Oh wells. I do wish him well. Don't buang!!!! =) Hopefully, there'll still be trips out as friends.

I was worried when there was no reply. I do hope you're doing fine. No silly thoughts again please....I regretted not agreeing to the drinking session. I'm here if you need me, really.

It's the time when i feel so alone and in need of love. Damn. This sucks. =( Still, my heart's been broken even before it experienced the love it needs. Makes me feel so vulnerable. *slap!* The right one never comes around until you've come round the wrong ones. I guess, i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere. However, I'll stick to my principles, for as long as i can stick to em. =X

PBL's back to haunt me. And now, it's more than 1. $%^#$%^#&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can feel the night beginning,
separate me from the living,
understanding me after all I've seen piecing every thought together
find the words to make me better
if I only knew how to pull myself apart

[sweat it out!]

2006-10-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling just a'lil broken. I will pick up those pieces and move on. MOVE ON!!! My focus? I've so lost it. Fuck. I'm trying to gain it back.

Bestie's made her choice. I respect that. She left the single club after a 1 month membership. Hur.

Make up lecture tmr...9-11am. Bah.~~~

[life's becoming such a chore]
[someone, please make it better. =( ]
[broken]

2006-10-27T00:25:00.000+08:00

Fuck lar. Ficeeh-moi la paix!!! =( Laissez-moi tranquille!!!

I'm feeling damn irritated for god knows what reason. Let's hope it's just the pre-pmsy periods i'm going through here. AHHHHHHHHHH! *screams* *RAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRS!!!*

I got a cute French tutor. =) Mr Jerome. Hur!

This sem is no good. PBL PBL PBL.....*faints* So many subjects wit pbl!!!! OH my, did i see the subject guides wrongly?!

[don't.speak]

2006-10-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

Had french lecture. Boujour!!!! Fun, but i couldn't remember what was thought. OMFG. Shucks. How am I gonna survive through this CDS!!!!!!

Met Xinning after school. It's nice seeing her after so long. Was pretty surprised she called me up today. =) Finally watched Rob-B-Hood. OH MY!!!! I WAN A BABY LIKE DAT!!!!!! Swoons. cute lar....mong huan baby!!!!! I shall marry a caucasian. =X

Bestie came over for dinner. =D "must link me Ooooo, intro Oooo, nice knowing you Oooh!!!!, Ooo, Oh, lo, OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH" =x wahahahahahahahahaha. LAffed our ass off. And for one more time, I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE THAILAND TRIP LARH!!!! *grins*

[I felt fuckin stupid. I so wanna kill myself. STOP THINKING RENA, STOP IT.]
[i do miss those days when i weren't alone]

Mcfly- Too close for comfort
I never meant the things I said to make you cry
Can I say I'm sorry?
It's hard to forget, and yes, I regret all these mistakes
I don't know why you're leaving me,
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes;
I watch as you cry, but it's getting late

Was I invading in on your secrets?
Was I too close for comfort?
You're pushing me out when I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort, driving you home?
Guess I'll never know
Remember when we scratched our names into the sand
And told me you loved me?
Now that I find that you've changed your mind, I'm lost for words,
And everything I feel for you,
I wrote down on one piece of paper, the one in your hand
You won't understand how much it hurts to let you go

All this time, you've been telling me lies,
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes,
And when I asked you, I knew I was right,
But if you turn your back on me, now,
When I need you most,
But you chose to let me down, down, down
Won't you think about what you're about to do to me and back down?

2006-10-24T01:46:00.000+08:00

First day of school. 1H09 rocks my socks. =D I miss those fun-loving people.

2CDS. French. Leadership.

Meet up session with Zhiyi wit bestie! =D It's been ages. Missed ya Zhiyi!!!! =D And I missed bestie loads too. =)

Those photo-whoring moments never fail to crack us up. Boo! =D We're tough nuts to crack ok. =X

[I missed you after i saw you. WTF.Tat stare was...urgh...$&%&^$%^&]

2006-10-23T00:16:00.001+08:00

My thoughts are all over the place. Not because I'm vexed, just because there's too much to blog about but I'm just too tired. So...yea.

First day, those thoughts just came strumming in.
---Eyecandy spotted? 0. =X
---where's the bus-stop?!
---Cynthia was at Expo, nice seeing her. =)
---School's starting...kinda dreading it because i didnt' have enough fun.
---School's starting, at least I wouldn't need to think about what to do for the day.
---24 pairs.

Second day,
---1 cutie,2 cuties, kept counting, but narrowed down to 2 only.
---They look the same. Damn it. Damn the dream. I'm missing someone, and looking like that person only makes things worse.
---Temple. 3rd week since god mum passed away. I MISS HER. THOSE MOMENTS OF TRUTH STRUCK ME AGAIN HARD. I felt like crying.
---Drinking session at Joel's house, cancelled. Another wasted trip.
---Plain disappointment.
---78 pairs. =D Fab.

Third day,
---I miss my god mum more. Those scenes kept replaying in my head. It hurts. Real bad.
---Some fucker gave my number away. TMD. $^$#&$^$^ KNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Fuckin pissed.
---50 pairs +/-
---School starts the next day. Sian.
---I got nothin to do after school ends at 11am. Aw, this sucks

If i put the above thoughts in detail, god knows how long this entry will be
...There're more actually. Those random thoughts.

~I used to think i had many friends. Many whom are true. Now, I wonder where did they all disappear to.

~What's coming over me?

~I see the replica. And I'm suppose to forget about that someone. Fuck it.

~I see a big change in you. I'm fuckin disappointed. I have people to vouch for the same view.

~Fuck those twisting words and "stories" you are trying to put across.

~I see so many taxis on the streets on HIRE. And I wonder why those people have so many places to go but i don't.

~I feel so small, insignificant. I AM.

Bah...enuff. This is depressing. Bye. 2 hrs of sch tmr.

2006-10-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

My new love. Jesse McCartney. =D Swoons. He's all grown up! I wanna get his album!!!! =D =D

His new hit. =D *swoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoonS!*

Right where you want me
Girl, there's something 'bout me that you oughtta know
I've never felt the need to lose control
I've always held it back and played it slow
But not this time.
Baby, don't be gentle. I can handle anything.
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Girl, I'm gonna let you have your way with me
But when you move like that it's hard to breathe
I never thought that it could be like this
But I was wrong
Baby don't be gentle. I can handle anything.
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Can't explain it how you swept me off my feet
Unexpectedly
In slow motion, my imagination's running
Tryin to keep my body still
I can hardly stand the thrill.
Baby, don't be gentle. I can handle anything
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me
Baby, take me on a journey
I've been thinkin lately
I could use a little time alone with you
Crazy, let's do something maybe
Please don't take your time
You've got me right where you want me

[There is no other answer, it's you.But it'll never be]

2006-10-18T22:20:00.000+08:00

One more day to work. =) Workin with dearest Qing. Muahahaha. =D Get well soon darling, or we'll both be coughin and sneezing at the customers. Hur.

Woke up at a freaking 3pm.Head was spinning like God knows what happened. Was supposed to accompany Stephy to RP but fever gone up, so i didn't make it in the end...I was a couch potato from then till now. =x

I wan korkor to take me to Muhd. Sultan. I wanna see those bytches pull each others' hair and bra straps. =X He jus cracks me up. Mummy said i could go. =D *grins*

-adapted from Cassie's Long Way to go
Claim that you're so hott and you say you got skills in the bedroom
You try to flirt when you're so not
Had a chance you still never come through
You say you wanna come see me
Cuz' you know you're girlfriend wanna be me [uh]
I'ma tell you why you can't
Said you gotta long way 2 go
Say you wanna love me

Wanna love me Wanna touch me
Think twice cuz' you gotta long way 2 go
Don't know how to act
You betta' fall back
It's like that cuz you gotta long way 2 go
It's not that deep
Take it easy You wanna please me
Got a long way 2 go
I'ma bad girl
You wanna get close
Ease up cuz you gotta a long way

I love it when they try to get scandalous
Even though they know they really can't handle it [They can't handle it]
They can't handle it
Try and take me out to dinner I cancel it
If you really wanna know me first of all
You should never try to get to personal
[She's a ditsy]

2006-10-18T01:07:00.000+08:00

My nose feels that it's not part of me. Boo. It's gonna fall off any moment with all those nose blocks and sneezes.

Caught the World Trade Centre with friends. I couldn't breathe the whole time in the cinema through my nose. I did so through the mouth. Lol. Not a fantastic one i must say. Could be better if they've added more genuine clips of the real 911 incident.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
So much's going on. So many things to say. So many people feeling uber upset. BAh~ I can't catch it all. I'm too lazy to keep em in mind and treat it seriously. I've been through too much in common, and i know everything will go away. In time to come. =) It's my turn to "bo chap" and pretend i don't know anything. Yes, the word is PRETEND. Hehe, pretence is useful at times.

It has come to a time when i rather not believe in things people say to me? I'd rather sit and watch what they do,after what they say. For too many have jus spoken but not taken any action. I just despise people who jus talk but don't walk the talk.I despise you. Damn it. If you can't do it, shut your fucking mouth. Urgh. Stop blabbering on about stuffs when you know you can't bring yourself to do it. You'll never know who'll be the people laughin at you behind your back and mocking you for all the "smart alex" crap you gave. Perhaps, I'll be the first. *sniggers* And don't give me reasons, for they are just lame excuses you wanna give to put it all off.Rena is evil, she is damn evil. *smirk* . NOW DON'T GIVE ME SHIT and make good your words.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
currently listening to:
I'm not missing you-Stacie Orrico

It's just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be, he just had to cheat
I made a promise never to settle
Why didn't I keep it?
Cause I hated the heartbreak
Crying and cheating, the fooling around
But I'm not missing you

[Chorus:]
I'm not going through the motions
Waiting and a hoping you call me I'm not missing you
You might have had me open
But I must be going because
I've got lots to do I know I'm usually hanging on
I used to hate to see you go
But this time it's different
I don't even feel the distance
I'm not missing I'm not missing you
It's a shame in a way cause
I feel that I may not, ever find the right one for me
Did I leave him, is he right in front of my face oh
Will my true love ever be?
Why would I go on a search again
When I know what the end will be
What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?

2006-10-16T21:32:00.000+08:00

Fever's gone down, but the cough and flu are getting worse. As usual. I'm prone to getting sick easily. BAH~* tiny is weak. Cant' help it. *shrugs* Head's feeling fuckin heavy. And I'm feeling groggy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~ *swirls*

Stephy saved my day. She came over for a slackin session in the afternoon. =) We talked and fell asleep. OH puRlEase~~~ let her mum say yes.*prays* I can't wait till Dec. =) For the rest of the details, no disclosing. =)

My mum shares the exact sentiments. Haha. She hates the whining as much as i do. OH my, i love you mum. NO wonder we're mother and daughter. =p

It's not worth it to throw it all away like dat. I'd rather sit and watch and listen to what's happening. I'm so sick of being dragged into the picture like before. I'd rather be selfish and keep certain thoughts to myself. And maybe to my besties of course. =)

[Friendship. Fragile. Please hold it close. Don't lose it.]

I'd.Rather.Turn.Away.

2006-10-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

Tiny is sick. Damn the fever. Sore throat. Cough. *wails*

Town with Sharon and Qing. Tiny sins again. Atomic top, bangles, straps.Total damage, only $18 bucks. =D Hur. Cos the Atomic top was redeemed using my GetALife card. =p. I'm shopping for the sake of doing it because i got nothing else to do. WTF. =(

[those thoughts made me speechless]

2006-10-14T19:28:00.000+08:00

BBQ picx up. =)

It's been so long.
HiyAA~!!!!! Qing wants to kill me. =[
4e4 Chinese girls. Yes, we're all here.
5 + 2
Heineken. loves. The duo fight.

In.the.dark

TATA~!

[Some comments i'd rather keep to myself. Ain't pleasant]

2006-10-12T23:50:00.000+08:00

Ps:Learn how to draw the line.

Dead beat. Out the whole day preparing stuffs for the bbq tmr. =.= Dead tired lar!!!More to come tmr.

Ah choo. Down with flu. TMD!!!!

[I'm dead beat. Hols are coming to an end. Accomplishment? 0.]

2006-10-11T22:23:00.000+08:00

I thought back on what Sharon said to me yesterday about the previous issue.She said she would be very angry if she were me. I was indeed very angry. But i wasn't angry at it for very long. See? I hate myself for being like dat. =( I'm still fuming mad i won't deny. But i can't bring myself to be at it for long. Sigh.

Packed my room today. Neat and tidy. =D So pleased with myself. Hur hur. =D I threw away tons of magazines. I only kept Cleo. Waste money. I shall stick to Cleo for now. Emptied out my drawer. Memories were what I found. Girls don't throw away stuffs from previous relationships. They tuck them in a corner of the room, and when they find it, they look at it and smile. =) Ok, maybe not all smile, but at least i did. I found the ring too big for my finger. So i tossed it back into the box. Past relationships, like the ring, don't fit into my life anymore and they never will again.

Found a photo taken with my god mum when i was a kid. Couldn't help having tears well up in my eyes. I'm sure there are more pictures. Just not in my album. I've never taken a picture with her ever these few years. And i will never have the chance again...I miss my brothers and GodPapa now.

Bk "papa" found the songs from Kim Sam Soon! So darn happy. =) Tnx . I've been listening to it ever since.

She cried.
[I'm waiting for something that'll never happen]
[Silly.me.]

2006-10-10T23:04:00.000+08:00

*edited*
Trip to Bugis. Shopping thrills.
-Denim Skirt
-Shorts
-Diva rings
-Pouch/Purse
=D $50++
Saw one pair of pumps. Oh my~ LOves! =( But i jus bought my red ones. So..yea. =( Didn't get it in the end.

I jus realised. I turn to retail therapy when i'm very unhappy. So when you see me buying a lot of stuff, something's wrong. However, it's the same when i'm very happy too. Bah~ *sigh* I seriously need sponsors. =x

I'm sick and tired of watching people pass me by.
I'm sick of staring into space thinking what i should do.
I'm sick of listening to my heart whilst my head think so otherwise.
I'm sick of letting chances slip me by and regretting later.
I'm sick of procrastinating.
I'm sick of EVERYTHING. Everything that's happening. =(
I'm sick of my existence.

I've told Josh I won't be goin back to HealthWise. Mum's influence, but overall...My own decision. Lesser time spent with Steph, and the rest. *sigh*

It seems so difficult to even fix up another day out anymore.No more regular movie outings, pool trips. Guess, that'll be the way it will be...for god knows how long.

I want more Sentosa kakees! =(

Shaun asked if i'm ok. He thought i got cheated by someone. In a relationship. WADDA FUCK?! Cheated?! Siao. It's been ages since i've last been in a relationship. Wat a joke. =.= *rolls eyes* God knows where that news came from. WTF. Crazy ppl. -.- URGH.

[My heart reads,BLANK.]

2006-10-09T18:47:00.000+08:00

[Playing: Tian Tian Ye Ye]

It's movin too fast, i can't catch anything.

Sigh, i feel awful. I'll grow. I will. I must.

[learn to live. without you.]

2006-10-08T20:04:00.000+08:00

I'm feelin better, dear friends, thank you guys so much, won't know what to do without you people. *bows*

Stayed over at Godpa's place. It's the 7th day, when the spirit of my god mum would supposedly "come back" to visit. Had a heart to heart chat with my parents, god bro and uncle henry. It was uncle henry's birthday, and yet, we couldn't wish him happy birthday. "i will remember this day forever" he said. It nearly made me cry. I felt loved. " I have never treated you as a cousin, I've treated you as my very own sister" ='( !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, those aside. Finally. Sentosa trip. Weee.....

Me. Darling.

Tat's all folks.

[Where'd you go? I miss you so. Seems like its been forever that you've been gone]
[ somedays I feel like shit Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit ]
[I don't wanna grow up]

2006-10-06T21:38:00.000+08:00

Rest in peace Mama(godma), I LOVE YOU.

Mdm Ng Siam Hua passed away on 1/10/2006, 12.28am.
Cause of death: Fatal accident, 2 dead, 2 injured.
(reported on newspapers, 2/10,3/10,4/10)

These few days have been difficult for me to get by. It was heartbreaking. My heart dropped. Daddy rushed Mummy and I to the hospital upon receiving a call from my uncle on 30/9/2006 night. I didn't believe my ears. I refused to accept the fact until i reached the hospital and saw my dearest Godma lying in the mortuary of Tan Tock Seng Hospital. No words can express how i felt at that instant. I could only remember breaking down in front of the dead body and crying my heart out. My god brothers were by my side and seeing them appear strong gave me a reason to be strong as well. " Mama don't want you to cry. She didn't suffer. She was unconcious after the accident happened. She felt no pain. Ger, dont cry." were the words they said to me. I hugged them tight and wailed. Recalling these moments are making me tear this instant. The funeral ended on Thursday. Mama died a wrongful death. It's too painful to be typing this out, not to mention wanting to describe how the accident took place. Ask me personally if you really want to know. The funeral was hard to pull through. We had to control our tears. And i literally bit my lips through the process. Through the several rituals, through the several times i had to explain the cause of death to relatives, through the several times i needed to call up her colleagues to inform them of the fuenral.

Breaking the news to Papa(godpa) was the hardest. He had suffered minor injuries in the accident and he didn't knew Mama had passed away until my brothers broke the news to him on the first day.

Mama was a loving mum to my brothers. She was a loving god mum to me. She'll forever stay in our hearts. Her loving smile, her soft touch, her spendid cooking. EVERYTHING. We lost our mum, but we made it through stronger as a whole family combined, as an individual. She taught us a precious lesson. CHERISH THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WHILE YOU CAN. FOR YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TOMORROW.

------------------------------------------

Dear friends, thank you for the well wishes. I won't say i'm fine, but i know i will be. And I will grow stronger. =)
------------------------------------------

[it's time to be selfish]
[so much to say, so hard to express]

2006-09-30T22:45:00.000+08:00

I'm fuckin not happy. If you guys thought it was fun, it was FUCKIN NOT.
To think you guys are good friends. To think i thought good friends knew best not to lie to me. To think i thought you guys knew i hated liars. It may seem like a joke to you. But to me, it's fucking not. I'm just plainly disappointed. God knows why the fuck did you guys want to play that prank on me. If you guys didn't know. I was fucking worried. I fucking cared and wondered what happened even during my sales appointment.

It made Joel and I go all the way to festival park to find you guys. I only found JW with his bunch of friends and he told me you guys fuckin left long ago. Felt so cheated. Fuckin tired, went all the way there and that was what i got. I called so many of you. YOu guys didn't pick up. Worse, pick up but still wanted to lie to me that you were goin to deal with Elfie when JW already told me it's all settled and done with. WAT THE FUCK. YOU TAKE ME FOR?? A FOOL?! ASked for your whereabouts, Joshua didn't wanna tell me. Until Joel called one of you and told me you were at TM. Fine. Thought everything was settled. I knew Joshua was lying. Fuckin lying. Called steph cos they said she wasn't with them.I was wondering what happened.(called me kpo or whatever. I jus cared and wanted to know how her cousin was.) FUCK. Another lying attempt. She told me she was sending her cousin back home and that Henry was injured..I was fucking worried AGAIN. I took it for real. Phone ran out of batt, used Joel's phone to call back, and guess what. I heard Fx's voice. ANOTHER LIE.

AGAIN. IT WASN'T FUNNY. I ENDED UP TEARING ON THE BUS ON MY WAY HOME. RAGING WITH ANGER. That was what i got. Cool. HOw cool was that. I was worried about Henry.I thought something really happened to him. I was worried about STeph's cousin. I so much so want to slap that fucking bastard and shove his head up his fuckin ass .GREAT.So much for being concerned. How great was that. And all the time i was worried, they're planning to catch a movie. Wow. Splendid. What a joke huh? Call me selfish. But i'm fuckin not happy. NOT AT ALL.

Fuck me for being so naive. I don't wanna be nice anymore.

2006-09-30T02:15:00.000+08:00

Sigh.*

Dedicated to the special 18....:
I fuckin do not look up to cowards who do not wanna open up and speak their mind. Talks about suicides and all. BAh. WAT SHIT IS TAT. And yes, if I do remember, he was the same one who told me suicidal thoughts are stupid. Depressed? Like wat, fuckin 18 and depressed. I'm not saying that people at the age of 18 won't tend to suffer from depression. No. I asked, what are you fretting about? Why are you so depressed? There are definitely thoughts goin on in your mind which spells "fuck, this is making me depressed". But the fact is, you can't tell me what is causing you those sleepless nights,etc...You told me you cant stop thinking because you cant sleep. RUBBISH. You've family problems? R/s problems? The whole list can go on....Blame it on those problems you tink are causing you the depression. Yes, not ALL problems can be solved. But dying will fucking NOT SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS.

You wanted to go for a movie, and within like a few minutes, you tell me you've no mood le.

-.- Sigh. What's wrong. I know those things I've said in the conversation may be crude. I'm sorry if it was offensive. But, you're a close friend. And I AM WORRIED. Friends do not say "nice things" to make you feel better. Yes, it's easy to say and tell you not to think too much, but it's difficult for you to do so. Go on being the way you are now if you wanna continue feeling miserable. For sure, death won't solve all problems. Yes, to you, death is a form of relief for your depression. If you wanna think this way, continue bein the so called "selfish bitch" you think you are. You'll only make the people you love miserable. YOU SAY YOU LOVE THEM, BUT NOW, YOU'RE HURTING THEM WITH YOUR ACTIONS AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA DO (like die?). Heh. Love them? Fuck that. You tell me you love yourself. Fuck that too. For sure, there're people in the world who loves you(sounds familiar?), but you don't appreciate their love for you by being like that now.

I do not wanna go on and on about how friends and family want you to speak your mind so they can "share your burden" kinda thing. Think about what i've said to you. If you wanna continue being like that, nobody can stop you. You're the ruler of YOUR LIFE. YOU DECIDE LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE. Not the other way round. Don't blame things for happening. Like i always love to emphasize, things happen for a reason.

If you have nobody to talk to, my words holds still holds true. I'm here if you need it. I'm not NICE anymore if you still think i am.So I will swear i will shake the hell outta ya if you talk to me and continue being the way you are. I leave the decision to you. I may not be the person you need. There are other people who may be in a better position and whom you feel better spendin time with or confiding in to make you feel better. Keep in mind, don't be silly. These moments you're going through will tide over. You're like fucking 18. So don't let the rest of your life go to waste.

If you don't know, we do care. And I'm darn worried.

---------------------------------------
Urgh. I'm having a headache. Funny. Mum and Dad quarrelled and made up by going for a movie. How nice. I wanna watch movies!!! =(

[Wei li!!! BABA!!!!! =X]
[I'm not the one you assume you know]

2006-09-29T00:23:00.000+08:00

edited.

My mind's in a whirl but it's blank.Can't think straight. Ah. Contradicting. See. I'm blabbering nonsense.

I'm tired. Jus plain tired of what's goin on in life. Why the hell must life be so complicating. However, if life is monotonous, I'll complain further. Heck. =(

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =.=

I had the sudden urge to talk to mummy about the job while i was showering. Practically "rehearsed" what i wanted to say to her in my mind while in the shower. Hehe. Productive huh? I showed her the MLM article. =X She quarrelled with uncle lar...sibeh sian. So she won't need to go to work ler. She told uncle to get someone and she don't wanna bother bout him ler. Oh well. I guess it's another sister-brother quarrel that always happens. I don't like her doin this job. She reaches home like so late at night and set off damn early in the morning. And by the time she reaches home, she'll be so dead tired and anything i say can "spark" her off and "boom!" she explodes. Ah. -.- Blah blah blah. She wants to get another job, she told me. =) Hur. So darn happy. She agreed to let me give the job a shot. WAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH =D. *tiny prances round the room in glee*

Karen came on down to the cafe. =) Glad to see ya baobei!!!! =D I hope you've managed to learn more about the product and all.And i'm sure it'll benefit your mum!I'll see ya soon ok! Happy home cleaning!
Michelle darling! I haven heard from you. I'm worried. Do drop me a call or msg to tell me how you are ok? I know you're busy working and I know things have not been well these few days. I hope you're ok. I'm so worried! Darling, pls pls PLS take care of yourself and know that Bumper Car and Goldfish are here for you. ALWAYS. =) hugs and kisses! Meet up soon ok?

AH! I MISS MY 1H09! LETTY JUS INFORMED ME OF CLASS CHALET! OH my~!!!! I miss everyone! Can't wait. =)

I can't wait for Sunday...Day out with my darling.Finally. There's something to look forward to. =)

You said it as if i'm not doin my job. Fine. I'm bad at it.

[i thought we had a bond. But i guess i broke it with my words. I held on to some hope things won't turn out the way it is. I guess, nobody's to be blamed. Except me. I'm closing doors again, when i promised myself i won't. Ah. Wat's fucking wrong with me]
[I don't like who i've become]

2006-09-27T23:30:00.000+08:00

M.I.S.U.N.D.E.R.S.T.O.O.D

I'm feeling darn horrible.Because it really sucks to feel ignored. But i'd rather feel this way than to hurt you time and time again.

Down to cafe again today.Met Stephy at PS. Mum's sick, had to rush home prepare dinner and go to doctor's to fetch her medicine. So couldn't attend today's grouping. Bah~ Wonder what was that about.

Sigh, my thoughts are all over the fuckin place. I jus need a day out with my friends. But sadly, we don't do the things we used to do anymore. We don't talk the way we used to anymore. WE'RE NOT THE WAY WE WERE ANYMORE...

*don't use that tone on me.You know i fuckin don't like it.And it's not funny.*

To that guy who tried to threaten my bestie's cousin, fuck you jerk. Think of your own consequences you must face. Grow up dude. Fuckin 18 and still acting like a child. *tsk tsk*Try posting up that darn video! You try! You can be easily charged with 2 charges.... Wise up lar. STUPID PPL WITH STUPID TRICKS THEY TRY TO PULL OFF.

[-----ah-----]

2006-09-27T02:26:00.000+08:00

[playing:Tui Hou. those lyrics speak for my heart.]

I'm freaking tired. And I'm waiting for my stupid hair to dry(as always).

Didn't manage to sleep well last night. My mind was practically stuffed with thoughts i didn't realise exist. That explains why I feel pretty restless and all now. Furthermore, I had PaceSetter's workshop today. Mrs Thomas's interesting. =) I enjoyed the way she teaches and yadda on and on with her supposedly "god-sent experiences" stories. However, i feel exactly how Karen feels. I don't like rules. =( I'm beginning to have doubts about joining Pace. I suddenly have this thought of just quitting it all and leave myself without a CCA. Urgh.

It was then to Far East Plaza with Karen tweety bird. =) Retail therapy is really no therapy at all!!!!You'll just get a big hole in your pocket.The amount of satisfaction decreases as the number of times retail therapy occurs increases. Bought a top, a pair of heels. And guess what, I wanted to deposit money but i ended up spending it all. Bah~ WTF...boohoo. I'm dead broke now. Fuck lar. HOw?! Sponsors anyone? =X

Went on down to BlendInn. Da jie came on down to have dinner with stephy darl and me. It's been ages since we've last talked like how we did. I do miss those dearest moments, when we used to spend the whole night at Pasir Ris park talking about nothing at all. It just seems so difficult to do that anymore...*Sigh*

Talking about reminiscing about the past eh. Stephy wants to turn back time to when she was in Sec 2, da jie on the other hand, Sec 4. Come to think of it, i have outlived the stage of wanting to turn back time. I just plainly miss secondary school life, dat's all but not to the extent of wanting to turn back time i guess. Dat's pretty weird, because so far, secondary school days were the most memorable days of my life . Perhaps i'm just hoping for better moments to start with tomorrow. I don't mean literally, tomorrow. As you know, tomorrow never ends...

Ah, my head's spinning. And my stomach's churning. I've been feeling this way the whole day. Ah, it's not a good feelin~

[Things happen for a reason...]
[Stay.the.same.I.wanna.be.free.i'm.sorry.i.jus.can't.bear.to.speak.my.mind.
it's.definitely.killing.me.you.know.you're.a.precious.friend.let's stay.that.way.]

2006-09-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

there's sumting i can't wait to get off my chest. I'm dreading the thought of hurting you. fuck.

RENA. FUCK YOU. =(
I'm accumulating bad karma...

I wish my darlin was with me.
*sob*

[leave me alone.]

2006-09-23T21:46:00.000+08:00

My head's spinning. My nose feels as if it's not part of me. It's gonna drop off anytime.I'm down with flu. >.<>

I've been searching for contacts and lookin through the nxt possible appointment i can fix up nxt week ever since i got home...Some people who're condemning this job are helping no further by pretending they want to help me..WTF..This job may not be the one i'll be in for long, i must be true to myself, for i know the path i want to take,and this is not it.. However, it's a platform for growth.Self-growth. Steph's right, you get to learn loads. And i mean, LOADS you won't get to experience in other forms of jobs. You get to see how people really are behind their pretty masks they put on all the time. You learn how to cope with rejections and disagreements. You learn that it's important to work as a team together....etc.

I find Mr Kenny's advices very true and from the heart. I find myself nodding and agreeing to a lot of things he says. He's a great advisor i must say. Not many people can make me so impressed. I've always thought advisors are stuck-up ppl. Haha.

You get to understand what true friendship means. When the so called "a friend" refuses to pick up your calls, avoids meeting up with you, no matter how "true" he/she describes this particular friendship, you know it's not real. He/she just don wanna get involved in your so called "network". A friend tells you, he/she is not interested. A friend do not ignore you to send the same message across.

You get to see how one can mature so drastically workin in this line. I've seen my own friends grow. I'm seeing them mature and lead people so well i can't believe they're the same people they were before.=) However, the common topic we find sharing most of the time would always be work related and it's no longer as easy to come up with anything much to talk about. Oh well.
I jus missed those days we could hang out and go to movies, pool,Sentosa trip blah blah whenever, wherever we want to. Without arranging beforehand that is.. I think the Sentosa trip will never come around. Ah...

Lastly.
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY WEIBIN! MAY YA HAVE MANY OTHER HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAYS! =)

[yadda yadda~*]
Latest favourite....
Mouth shut-The veronicas
I kept my mouth shut from the start
I guess I left you in the dark
You thought you knew me but you don't
You say you love me but you won't
When you find out who I am
I kept my mouth shut for too long
All this time you got me wrong
And now I'm in this way too far
I'm about to break your heart
Tear everything we had apart
Coz I'm feeling lost
When I'm in your arms
The reasons are gone
For why I was holding onto you
I tried so hard
To be the one (be the one)
I don't like who I've become
Won't keep my mouth shut any more
I've had my share of closing doors
And now I know
I'm not afraid
I know exactly what you'll say
But I'm sorry it's too late

2006-09-23T02:08:00.000+08:00

Ah. Mum's sick. =( I'm worried, she doesn't wanna see a doc.

Ah....>.<

2006-09-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

Ah. I'm too tired to blog. A lot of thoughts running through my mind. Not to mention i'm having a headache now.

boo. HOW HOW HOW HOW!!!!!!!!!! =( Sigh. I'm so bothered! Fuck lar. KNS. KNN. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before i end here,
FRENZY TINY WISHES CINDY A HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meet up soon ok!!!!!!!!! =D

[it's driving me up against the wall]

2006-09-21T00:14:00.000+08:00

I was bored and fiddled with my sunnies after reachin home. There. The toot face i was tryin to pull off.

3 days in a row, 3rd argument with mum. I don't wanna give a damn anymore. *rolls eyes*
She's an elder, whatever i say won't count but hers will. So why waste my breath talkin and saying things she won't even listen to? WATEVER LA.

It's been a few days i've last seen darling Stephy. Miss ya gurl. =) I'm craving for a drinking session. Boo. Ok, i sound like an alcoholic. Bah~

Watched "The Devil Wear's Prada" for the second time. Don't scold me siao ok. It's a damn nice show i won't mind watching it for a third, forth time. Was out with Qing the day...omg...feel so guilty lar! Next time spend time with your boi lar, he jealous of me le lor.Your off day spend with me, not with him... =X And when i said " never talk to your boi boi ah?" on msn, to this dear girl, she told me her boi boi is boxer(her dog) and he's not at home. =.= And she's talking to her darling (me). Oh my tian~ I'm speechless. Haha. =D Joey! I nver snatch Qing from you!!! I return her to you ok!!! >.<>.<>.< oh my tian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Met Bling at the junction between CS and TM. Oh my....Say he too lazy do hair so wear cap out. Haha. Oh wells. It's been a long time eh lao shi? =)

[.the faint smile.]

2006-09-20T00:33:00.000+08:00

2nd post of the day...or rather, 1st post of 20/th Sept...I did up another collage out of boredom. bah~ here it is! Gave me a chance to look thru the amount of fotos i have in my com. Lookin at certain pics made me look back at the days that have passed by.

Managed to talk to Bling online for a while. He was in school. Haha. Hao lao shi wor......=)
I miss secondary school life. Sigh. Wait till i'm 18!!!You wait!!!Then can club ler....TGT! lols.

3 people i know with the same name. 3 different relations. 3 different feelings. 3 different attitudes. Why must it be you! =( sigh. why must things be so fuckin outta place. Somebody put it right please? >.<

I've been ignorin a few ppl recently. And i don't feel the least guilty. The number of people i block on msn is on the increase. Perhaps i just don't feel like talking. Tat's all. I'm sorry. Perhaps just feeling the "EARLY pms-y symdrome"?...Bah...You don't know what PMS can do to girls. (however, i somehow feel tat it's not the pms-y thing tat's drivin me nuts. The way i'm blabbering nonsense using tat excuse is already nonsensical for i seldom get PMS get the better of me often.) ah. I TINK FRENZY TINY IS ON THE LOOSE.

[i wish i can shut ______'s(fill in the blanks) mouth with some tape. Tmd. The world don revolve around you YoU yOU YOU. fucking get things right lar. WTH. It's getting on people's nerves you know tat?! Urgh. Stupid ppl.Perhaps only my darlings can understand why. Stephy? Qing? any idea what i'm referring to?]

2006-09-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

New layout. =) i was bored so i decided to change the blogskin.

Right...Daryl taught me a new word today...
PRECOCIOUS.
Meaning: unusually advanced or mature in development, esp. mental development: a precocious child. He said he is precocious. I don't think i agree.....lols.
=p

Ah~ suddenly got so many things to fret about. Henry and Joshua keep telling me not to worry. =( I'm trying. Seems so stuck lor everything. OH well.

So many things are cropping up suddenly. Have to go to Suntec on Friday to collect cert at 3.30pm and to return all the badges and stuff. There goes my Sentosa trip with my beloved STephy! TMD.$%^#$&$%&^.

Gotta go down to school for Pacesetter's stuff nxt Mon. Ah~*

Meeting up with Qing tmr! Wee =)

HAPPY 18TH BDAY ALVIN.Good luck for ur sup paper. (you may not read this but...oh well. )

[conked.out.]
[I think the love's gone.]

2006-09-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I do not know wat to do to convince. My mum's stubborn to the core and i know how far this will go . She said she'd rather not have this daughter who don listen to her. WTF.My heart sank.Worse. My dad listens to her. Heart breaking.She rather want me to stay home and not work. And that's not what i fuckin want.However, i do wish i have more support on my side. I'm not the type to be defeated by these words. I know what i want. I hope i can hold on longer. I will try my best. I hope my words will hold true and make them believe. Fuck. This feeling definitely suck.

This may not be the direction i want to head in the future. I know it.But there's no harm tryin. It won't kill would it? Sigh. =( I'm stuck.

For once i'd just hope she'd just put her trust and faith in me.

2006-09-18T02:06:00.000+08:00

It's disheartening. But i won't give up. =)

2006-09-17T00:52:00.000+08:00

I'm jus dead tired.

Was out with Stephy darl. Town. Watched "The Banquet". Ending sucked. Loads of bloodshed.

Suan le, too tired to care. Why should i bother when you don't even give a damn. -.-

[i.am.guai.lan. Who gives a fuck bout tat.]

2006-09-13T22:11:00.000+08:00

Wat's left of me..

I'm bored. Everyday's dat stupid routine. Wake up,imf,home,lunch,sleep,dinner,online,sleep. And it repeats itself.Sigh.

Credits to Angel....from her b'day party. =] With the b'day gurl!! i look like a toot. Woo. newaes... Muacks! (look at Eugan's face)

Eugan.Rena.Angel

=e.n.d=

2006-09-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I have another fetish. Hehe.Shh......

It's off day today. =] Hung out with Sharon, CH and Angelia at Bugis. Right...as always, i ended up spending the most today. =.= And i was offered a job at Bugis...Hmm, if i receive a call from her, then i have a job!!! Hey, the person approached me to work ok...First time sia....lol. =]

Went to Marina. Urgh. I've been goin there for the freakin past week. I'm so sick of the place i can die.

Oh well, tmr's the day! Work resumes and more delegates are comin in. Omgomg...my level serves the ministers. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish mi luck.

2006-09-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

First day at work at IMF. Security was tight but could be better. We were stuck at security checkpoints. Even the 5.30am shift ppl were also stuck outside. So in short, all of us were late. Lol. I only sold like 2 cups of coffee. Haha. And tmr's off day. =] Wee. Pasir Ris Dr 3 in the mornin is practically like a ghost town in the wee hours. Not a single vehicle in sight. And for the first time i saw a 3A. I used to think it was only 3. Bah~

Saw Shawn at work too! Same group as Kok Sheng so i suppose he's an ice man as well...hurhur. I'm glad the banquet co staff are damn fun. =] And it happens i know em all!

I'm darn bored lar. Was dead beat by the time i got home. Luckily tmr's off day. Daddy went like, "woah, work one day off one day ah?! " =.= Lols....next off is on Sunday! I know we made the policemen's day at the checkpoint today. Lols. Felt damn dumb can?! We were spinning round and round the area tryin to get outta Suntec. Lols.

Will be makin a trip down to PRSS tmr. No plans after dat. Bah~ guess i'll jus go home and crash in bed or wad bah...Life's boring, when everyone around you has something on hand. *sigh*

ciao~

currently playin:
Irresistable-Jessica Simpson
You know
I don't know what it is
But everything about you is so irresistible

Don't you try to tell me that he's not my type
To hide what I feel inside
When he makes me weak with desire
I know that I'm supposed to make him wait
Let him think I like the chase
But I can't stop fanning the fire

I know I'm meant to say no
But he's irresistible
Up close and personal
Now inescapable
I can hardly breathe
More than just physical
Deeper than spiritual
His ways are powerful
Irresistible to me

Oh I can hardly breathe, yeah
Don't you think I'm trying to tell my heart what's right
That I should really say goodnight
But I just can't stop myself
Maybe I'll tell him that I feel the same
That I don't want to play no game
Cause when I feel his arms hooked around me

2006-09-10T01:45:00.000+08:00

Just friends. I guess that's the way things will be.
[wo hui fa zhe dai, ran hou wang ji ni, jie zhe jing jing bi shang yan.]

My emotions are a lil shaken up. I do not know why. Sigh.
Bestie's sick somehow and i wanna make her well again.But i just dont know how. I mean, not literally sick....Just.......sigh.
This bug is contagious. Now would this damn bug shoo and leave my darling alone. Humph.

Things don't often go the way we want to. In fact, they often turn out the opposite. They make people upset, and think why things happened that way. Regrets, and hell loads of afterthoughts comes pourin down at the same time, it's killin. You try to cast these thoughts all away, but it keeps running at the back of your brain. You do something to hopefully distract yourself from all those you're feeling and then wonder, why the hell am i running away from it when i know i have to face it sooner or later. You lie awake at night tryin to get to sleep, but to no avail.You cry until your pillow's wet and wonder what's actually making you tear so much. You find your pillow wet the next morning and think about the reasons why you cry and all those you've thought about creeps back into your head gradually. You know someone will eventually get hurt, the fact is, someone already is hurt. You. You want to say things but you can't bear to for fear of whatever reasons. You want to get things right on track but it just seems too strenuous.
I'VE BEEN THROUGH, DONE DAT. And i know this feeling sucks more than anything else.

Sigh. WHY THE FUCK DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO COMPLICATED?!
I may not know how you're really feelin deep inside. However,know that i'm always here for you. =] You know you'll have my support no matter wad darling.

[IMU. But i guess, it shall just stop here. You're just .Cold.]

2006-09-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Shayne Ward. With those dark green eyes. =] Captivating eyes.

Went to collect imf pass at Suntec. WTF I'm so damn sick of Suntec City lers. Kept goin there these few days. Tamade. Damn sian i tell you. Qing was nice enuff to pei me....

Went on to Marina Square for a walk and all...This dance competition was on. And man! Those ppl can really dance!!!! Like a 6 year old kid can dance damn well can!!! Hip Hop, street jazz and all. Real fab. =] We stood there like for almost an hour watchin. O.O My eyes nearly popped out. And guess wat. I saw Shane, a pri sch friend, at the dancefloor. Damn! God, i didn't know he could dance. He did great. =] I was too shy to say hi though. And hehe, he was too far away. =] I kinda missed him. His jokes. His sister used to say, "hey gurl, u forgot about my bro already?!" WadaEff....I din ok. Didn't contact didnt mean I forgot. Glad he's doin ok. =] Hope he gets cutter by the day!

Tmr's Angel's birthday!!! =D Would be off to her chalet. But mum say die die gotta be home by 12 midnight. Sigh, cos IMF's on the nxt day. =[

2006-09-09T00:13:00.000+08:00

Sibeh sian. Woked up at like a freakin 4.30am this morning to attend IMF training. =.= Total seh can...Slept at 2+ so i had barely 3 hrs of sleep. =] congress kopitiam was fun...however, workin with the erms..."wat's his name" was fun though although nobody came to purchase aniting. We jus ended up crapping till work ended at 11am. Hiek.

Hur! Early in the morning meet yandao on the train!!!! Woohoo! I kept sneaking peeks at him lar!!! *blushes* and i realised we were both sneaking peeks at each other. The way the hiking bag dropped onto the floor and how he picked it up shyly is like . OMG. DARN CUTE CAN!!! However, his dressing din suit the...erm... bag. I mean. He was like whoa, in a casual jacket, inside, he 's wearin a white singlet, jeans, hair properly done up, sneakers. =] Cute. See! I scan ka liao!!!!But he had a hiking bag. =X Haha, I'm so hua chi cos it's been a long time since i've last seen such a cutie. And i mean it, he is CUTE. *swoons*Ok, Rena stop it. Shush. =x

Met up wit Xinning and Wen today =] it's been ages since we've last met up~ =] hee.
Then pool with Sharon,Ch,Stephy and Qing at Bedok. Omg, i ended up nearly dozing off....

Met up wit Wei Li, Cindy at Starbucks with Sharon. Wahahahahaha. Hey, wat's wrong with having a frenzy tiny ah?!! You don't get it often ok!!!! =X Ok, i was a little siao. Really! Just a teeny weeny bit of siao. hehe. =x ok. I shall diam diam.

Here. I'm home. And yea, gotta go down to suntec to collect IMF pass tmr between 11-3pm. Sian can. WTF. I'm never goin down there for as long as i can after IMF. =[ Sian. So yea, wat's for tmr??? No idea. Sigh.

2006-09-07T22:14:00.000+08:00

I hate lizards and cockroaches. ESP flying ones. Shrieks! Not when they are a metre away from me but once they come too close for comfort. NONONOONONONO~~!!!!
Mama rescued me from the lizard. The almost 6cm long lizard. She sent it to hell with Baygon. Hur hur.

I'm on to my last book. Finished the two already. It's on to 'Saint Valentine'... Sigh. See? I'm pathetic. Can't seem to find anything to do, anyone to go out with. Man, this sucks. I jus end up reading and spinning around in this stupid world of mind thinking about nothing at all. Fuck. Made me realise, where did all my friends go. Steph, Josh,Henry, etc are busy at HealthWise. Others are either busy workin or busy studyin for promos or jus too busy with their own stuffs to be bothered bout me. I sound pathetic eh. Sad. I am sad. Even George said i'm "kelian" . FINE.
Seems like i'm pretty left alone. It sucks feeling this way.

Tmr's imf training. From 7am-11am. And what am i gonna do after dat? NO IDEA. Sigh, can't my life be any interesting!?

Regrets. I should have gone over to Canada. Where everything would be different. EVERYTHING. And for sure, i won't be whining. In a blog entry. And get it, there is NO ONE I CAN WHINE TO, dat's y i'm here. Ke lian bah?

Hey, it's the second entry of the day, this shows how bored i really am. FUCKIN SIAN!!!!! T.T

[someone please push me off the building. PLEASE. This instant, i think i'm really goin crazy cooped up in this shitty world]

2006-09-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

Woke up at a effing 1.30pm today.
No plans for the day=sleep more=laze around in bed=ROT.
Ha.

Bah~ been blog hopping for the past hour. Didn't find anithing interesting to begin with. Boo.

How nice it was to quarrel with mum early in the morning. And now, she doesn't allow me to stay over at Angel's bday chalet cos i got IMF early in the morning. Kanasai. Urgh.

I wanna find something to occupy myself with!!!! C'mon, who wants to accompany me to Little India. Lols. *screams!!!!!!!!*

Ciao.

2006-09-07T00:28:00.000+08:00

SOS!!!!!! Urgh.

Stephy came over today. =) Went to Far East Plaza. Retail therapy ended up being no therapy at all! It all ended up with two big holes in our pockets. Lol.

I'm feelin much better now. But it's contagious. Now dearest Stephy has caught it. Boo. I hope it goes away soon. Get more rest darling, and make sure u think things through in the right state of mind. And don go crazy!!!! Cos u'll end up like me having no crazy spells left when i even wanna be crazy. =( Bah...

It was then to pasir ris park to slack , YET AGAIN....yeah. *nods* See. My life's boring. Wake up, freshen up, eat, go out, go home. Routined life. I hate it. And now, i'm feeling so lack of company. Sigh. Wadever

I feel like clubbing. Jus doin something crazy. Hehe.

[i'm lost , you got me lookin for the rest of me, got the best of me. You got me losin it.]

2006-09-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Good show. Made me tink through lots of stuff. Haha. I love their dress-ups and all! OMG OMG OMG!!! =X Ok, shuddup.

Jus got back from the movie with CH, Sharon, and Angelia. Managed to slack at Starbucks for a while after dat. Was contemplating if i should take 3 all the way to Punggol and back. Haha yea. Guess wat, i've never felt so desperate for company before. I began calling up people from my contact list in my fone. But yea, to no avail.Seems like everyone is busy. Except me....Like a sai can tat type of feeling. =( OH well, and here i am....HOME. Haha. I feel like laughin at myself for my stupidness can....Oh well....And yes, i was telling ppl i didn't wanna go home.

And this person on the bus kept staring. I was dressed in black and he was too. And he kept staring. Like, he was sitting diagonally opposite me and stared can! O.O WTF. Like never see girl dressed in black before. =.= He did look familiar though. BAh~* Wadeva.

I think i should STOP dwelling in those thoughts. Jus makes me feel damn low thinking of em. Suan le bah. SUAN LE!!!!!!!!!!! >.<>

I miss my Karen and Michelle to bits.
[i never knew liking someone would be so painful. I'd rather not have this feeling ever again. Boo.]

2006-09-05T02:20:00.000+08:00

sometimes i jus wanna laugh at my own foolishness. It's over.

2006-09-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

[it's gonna be me =)]

2006-09-04T13:51:00.000+08:00

I've thought it through. Thought stuff through while wailing the whole night through till i fell asleep. How nice. And i lay dead on the bed from 12pm till now thinking about nothin at all, just staring at my glow in the dark stars on the ceiling. Until mum called and told me to get lunch myself. Whatever, I have absolutely no appetite so i'll skip tat. Bah~

I had enough i guess. I'm jus too tired to continue thinking about what's troubling me. I feel like damn stupid can. Fuck. Nobody can help me for sure, for i can't put my thoughts out in words, i can't speak my mind because sometimes, you just don't know where to start. It's dat type of feeling tat's driving me crazy by the minute. I know i have to put it away, or else i'll never cross this barrier of mine ever. A part of me want to get things through, another part of me tells me to leave it all alone. What the fuck am i suppose to do?! I'm jus bound to be caught in the middle. All the time. All the fuckin time. It's not a good feeling when you can't solve your own problems and ppl still keep coming to you for "answers". Nobody will understand how it feels. It sucks in short. Sigh. Fuck it. What the fuck is wrong with you Rena Heng? Urgh.

Forget bout those unhappy stuffs. Stephy darl, thnks for being there. =) You're loved. =) And Qing, i'll be ok alright? =) I'm just happy for you. Ni men yao chang chang jiu jiu wor! =) Xing fu shi zi ji zhui xun de....you did it all.By yourself. Be happy. =)

As for me....oh well. Sigh.
[it's too c.o.m.p.l.i.c.a.t.e.d]

2006-09-04T01:38:00.000+08:00

i've never felt so fucked up before. Seriously.

2006-09-03T01:07:00.000+08:00

[N.u.m.b]
[F.a.i.n.t]

ifeellikei'mfalling...

This feeling's like damn fuckin irritating. I'll get better. I hope.

Jus came back from Pasir Ris park wit Stephy darl. It's been ages since we've last talked like dat at the park. =D

My head's like spinning the whole time the entire day. It's a terrible feeling man. Like I can't stand properly for long. I nid my beauty sleep i guess. Spent my whole day watchin Kim Sam Soon and Full House all over again when i was suppose to sleep instead. Didn't eat. No appetite for the entire day. Perhaps this is causing me to feel all wobbly and giddy.

Things are getting complicated. I dunno wad should i do about it now. It gets on my nerves when ppl don't get what i'm getting at.

Oh yes. I don't like "FAKE PEOPLE". Don't pretend to care. I thought it was just me, but I guess i'm not the only one feeling that way. I'm just stuck right in between to act as a form of common topic between you guys and stuff. It sucks feeling like dat.
I hate it when people go through me to do stuff or get msgs across. LIke wtf. I hate it. I really do.

[the truth is, i never think i'm good enough. Perhaps i'm really not]

2006-09-02T21:46:00.000+08:00

Urgh. I shouldn't be feeling this way. It sucks. Fjjlb member jiu shi zhe yang. >.<
Sometimes the situation gets the better of me. Why am i so prone to things i don wanna be prone to!!!AH........~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK.

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
And throwing their love away
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me,
I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

And now, ain't nothing else I could need
And now, I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me I got you, we'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you (baby I'm with you)
Baby you're with me (baby you're with me, higher)

[someone, jus make me feel better? sigh]

2006-08-31T23:12:00.000+08:00

Exams are over. A load taken off my shoulders. But still feel so overwhelmed. Why?

Oh. And RHT papers sucked. Tmd.

Fever. Swollen eye. Weak. Sigh.

I had loads to blog about but i lost the mood. Lost it al.

2006-08-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

it's getting harder to breathe. I just wanna end it all.

I'm fuckin sensitive these few days so don't push it too far.

Mum says he's not suitable for me.I was surprised...I thought so too anyway. Oh wells. I'm about to ram my head against the wall.

2006-08-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

OB. ONE DOWN. 3 more to go. Phew~*

Sometimes i tend to contradict myself. What do i really want!!!! Sighs.

Watever.

2006-08-24T19:11:00.000+08:00

Urgh. At Ch's house now. In a total frenzy.

Oh, i'm tryin to squeeze all the little data into my tiny and useless brain. Sigh. Pray i'll tide over tmr's OB!!!

Perception is based on what one thinks reality is and not reality itself. =)
I hope i'm getting somewhere.

2006-08-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

Blogger just won't start so I decided to post these thoughts on “word” first and copy it over when the host works again. I'm still contemplating if I should close this down. Blah….I've been blogging since 2004! What a long time. Time flies and it waits for no man. I finally knew what it really meant after so long. I've so many things I've wanted to accomplish but did not. Procrastinating. Sigh, I'll never change do I?

We often fall in love oh so quickly in a spur of the moment when passion overflows and when a gush of emotions fills our head so much so we can't think logically? We tell ourselves we've found ‘the one’ when we felt we have. We tell ourselves its L.O.V.E… But is it? So many breakups, so many take for granted, so many fights that never seem to be resolved, so many problems... What's love? Love is letting one go? Love is telling you to give up? Love is telling one that you let him/her go because you're not good enough? Now fuck tat. Love is all about compromising. Love is all about taking and giving but not to the extent of getting hurt yourself when you do so. Love is about being understanding. Love is about meaning the “I love you” when you say it. Love is about being matured when you deal with love. Sigh. Love? Too complicated, too much to swallow. Fuck love. But I’m missing that feeling….fuck tat. Sigh.

Eugene, if you read this, cheer up. =)Jocelyn, I may not know what has happened. But I guess, it's time to think it over, the both of you. The crying must stop someday. (forgive me for poking my nose into this, but i can't sit and watch the two of you crying all the time when this happens)

Sigh, feeling totally fucked up. Those suicidal thoughts won't go away. There is only one way to get it over and done with. Just plain jumping down the building and die. But I'm still vain; I wanna die pretty and may consider popping pills. Time will allow me to muster enough courage to do it.

I’m hooked onto this song.
Until I get over you
Woke up today thinking of you
Another night and I made my way through
So many dreams still left in my mind
But it could never come true

I press rewind
I remember when I close my eyes and I'm with you again
But in the end I can still feel the pain
Every time I hear your name
The sun won't shine since you went away
Seems like the rain's falling every day
There's just one heart, where there once was two
That's the way it's gotta be,until I get over you…
Walked through the park, in the evening air
I heard a voice and I thought you were there
I run away but I just can't escape
Memories of you everywhere
They say the time will dry the tears
But true love burns for a thousand years
Give my tomorrows for one yesterday
Just to know that I could have you here
When will this river of tears stop fallin'
Where can I run so I won’t feel alone
Can't walk away when the pain keeps callin'
I've just gotta take it from here on my own
But it’s so hard to let go

2006-08-23T01:23:00.000+08:00

Two words, "fuck it". Why don't ppl take my words seriously? When i say i mind something, i really do. Damn it.

[i never seem to be taken seriously]

2006-08-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

It's not a choice. I had to.

And i miss you grandpa. =( Can i join u in heaven? I think it's a nicer place out der. At least i won't feel so unloved. You'll be there to love me with all your heart and i know it.I miss u grandpa. I really do. So much it's killing me.
*weeps*

2006-08-19T01:53:00.000+08:00

Talking about loving myself..Qing's right. I have to learn how to zi ai.

Love, it's so yesterday i don't know how it feels like now. People i love don love me back.People i don wish to love me are making me run away. I'm so sick of feeling this way.

I'm so vexed and sick of my life now. These emotions are driving me nuts.
No direction.
No motivation.
Low self esteem.
Low self assurance.
Low self confidence.
Tat's how i really am right now. I'm putting on a facade all the time i didn't realise it until today.

My life seems so bland. Like a piece of plain white paper, it needs some colourful motifs.

[it's just emotions taking me over]

2006-08-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

Blogspot ate up my entry i typed out at Cyber Centre in school jus now. Sian. Haish. A depressing entry. Don wanna retype it again or i'll feel worse.

I never seem to be good enough for anyone, for anything.

2006-08-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

I'm falling so in love with this song currently. Was out with stephy darling jus now at Bugis. Sharon, Angelia, CH left early. Talked about sum stuff.

I got all emo whilst listening to this song on youtube when i got home. BAH~*

Saw someone alike. I chua tio. Like wtf. Not the feelings, but the moments. They just keep reappearing. The more i tell myself to forget them, the more it flashes back. Shoo.

Stephy told me she thinks she has no life. I questioned myself i thought the same way too. WTF.

Here's to you.

Just one last dance.
Just one last dance....oh baby...just one last dance
We meet in the night in the Spanish café
I look in your eyes just don't know what to say
It feels like I'm drowning in salty water
A few hours left 'til the sun's gonna rise
Tomorrow will come, it's time to realize
Our love is finished forever
How I wish to come with you (wish to come with you)
How I wish we make it through

Chorus:
Just one last dance
Before we say goodbye
When we sway and turn round and round and round
It's like the first time
Just one more chance
Hold me tight and keep me warm
Cause the night is getting cold
And I don't know where I belong
Just one last dance

The wine and the lights and the Spanish guitar
I'll never forget how romantic they are
But I know, tomorrow I'll lose the one I love
There's no way to come with you
It's the only thing to do

Just one last dance, just one more chance, just one last dance

[i feel so tired emotionally i just wanna collapse and not wake up anymore]

2006-08-15T12:11:00.000+08:00

I'm pissed. Totally. Time definitely allowed me to see what kind of person you really are. WTF. Get out of my sight. You're no longer a friend. You still can act so indifferent to the things that you do. WTF. To think i thought so highly of you. Now, i DESPISE you. CREEP. Fuck off.

You think you know us so well. You thought you were right in EVERYTHIN YOU FUCKIN WANNA DO. Like yaya~ blah. Dont be a smartass. COS REALLY, YOU'RE NOT. =)

2006-08-12T02:35:00.000+08:00

Something is missing in my life, but i don't seem to know what it is....

Had BCS today. Damn it. I think i screwed up. Luckily it's only 25%. Or else jiu can long piak liaos..

Met up with Kla and Kenneth after test at 8+... I was damn tired and was contemplating if i should go or not. But i did anyway. Went on down to Marina Square to watch fireworks again. =) One word. Pretty. =)

Had dinner at a Thai restaurant and went on home.

Ps: thanks for sending me home! =)

2006-08-09T12:56:00.000+08:00

Here i am bloggin before i make my way down to Chinatown to met Wen, Angel and Wei Li! Miss em all lar! So long nver see em liaos!!!! Go kboxing then dinner. =D In the meantime, here are pics from ytd. Had troubles uploading em last night.

Mich my love! haha!

Fiona!! Don't take my booby! =x
My lovelies

Letty! I know who to go for a good hug! =D

Jeslyn, pls leave my neh alone. =X

Ah bu(sandy)!!, Isabel, Michelle, Me! (clockwise)

The view near Oriental.

A pity i can't upload the video of the fireworks!!! *sulks* more pics comin up from tonite!

2006-08-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

Ah Kor called. He said. "ger ah...it's time u shud get a bf." Erh....Okay.....Maybe.

=.=

gdnite! pics up soon!

2006-08-09T02:09:00.000+08:00

As promised! I had fun today. Fireworks was beautiful. Met up with Sharon, Qing,Bk,Ch they all...Then met Kla and Kenneth. Hahas...

Michelle.Rena.Karen

2006-08-08T12:15:00.000+08:00

Muahaha. I'm here during RHT tutorial again..As usual. Bloggin during lessons. =x

Yawns. Was chatting with Kenneth till bout 2+am. Should have slept earlier. =.= oh wells
Aunt stayed over night at my house. Haha, crapped wit her in the morning. She's fun.

Yay!Can finally watch the fireworks tonight ler! Meeting up with Sharon and peeps later. =D Pics will be up. Look out for em! It's been very long since i've uploaded pics.

I'm still feeling a bit emo over last night. Sigh. Commiting to something you know it won't last? Not very me. Perhaps it's different for you.Up to you bahs. Jus caring as a friend.

Maybe Jocelyn is right? I dunno. Tnks Jocelyn, i never knew you read my blog. =) Hope to see ya soon! Meet up soon yeah? =D
=D tata.

2006-08-08T00:33:00.000+08:00

I'm jus so confused.

Friends. I'm losing a lot of em. They just seem to drift further and further away from me...Haish.

Sometimes i just regret not leaving Singapore for Cananda last year. Oh well.

Bah.

2006-08-06T15:04:00.000+08:00

Cup noodles...loves. =) I'm savouring every single bit tat's in the cup. Lala~

While doin up the collage <-- At the side of da blog, i looked through so many of the fotos i have in my com. I tink it totalled up to over 100 over pics. Brought back memories. Both fond and of course, unpleasant ones.It made me realise how much i've changed through the years. Changes. Good changes? Bad changes? I dunno.A lil of both i guess. I've learnt how to look at people in a different perspective. To not judge a book by its cover.=) Lookin at pics, i realised i lost friends. Friends whom i could have been very close to up till now. It saddens me how contact is lost after secondary school days. I miss those ppl. Yiting, Siok Wen, Esther, Hakim, so many others out there. Too many to name it all. Sigh. I MISS YOU PPL.

National day is comin!!! =) Holiday! But test's the nxt day. Tmd...-.-

bye...gtg.

2006-08-05T14:46:00.000+08:00

I'm bored to tears. Stuck at home. Bah~* The feeling suck lar. Feelin a lil tat moody and all. LIFELESS. =.=

Wanted to blog ytd but was too lazy...OH wells. Was too tired also. Managed to catch the 10pm and 11pm show last night.
Watched the Lake House with Isabel, Jie Hui and Fiona ytd. Eh, if you're askin me if it's worth a watch...i'll say...it depends on the individual. Cos, for me, i teared during the movie. =X Some say it's boring. Yeah, kinda draggy lar. And the climax came towards the end. So yea. However, the ending was good, cos i like happy endings. =X I wanna live at the lake house!!!! *swoons*

Ah..my mind is blank now...

Karen's not in a good mood. I feel bad not being able to share her woes. Darling...do cheer up yah? I'm here if you need it.

Urgh. I'm stuck. Jus stuck. I jus wanna kip running and running...Away from here. To someplace i'll feel myself.

Wanted to call Bestie out. But her dad's back. Dont feel nice draggin her out like dat. Josh rushing project, dun feel good askin him out too, he's gotta complete as deadline's on Mon. Jia you. Henry..Shaun told me he's got work, i didn't noe dat. Bah...CH,Sharon,Qing, BK all nt free. Daryl's out, Eugene haven reply my sms since dat day, got gf ler, i doubt he has time.Wei Li has got soccer. Michelle and Jie Hui's out on GEMS. Karen's in no mood to go out. WTH. Where did all my friends go. Parents are out, moreover, daddy is sick. Bah....Feeling so darn pathetic. I can jus go ram my head against the wall. For once, i hoped i had a sibling. An older bro or sis preferably. Or maybe a boyfriend whom i can whine all day to. Urgh. WAtever lar.

*^FallEn dReAmX^*

^FallEn dReAmX^